A book chose me at the library yesterday. It's called Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho and it's the story of a Brazilian prostitute working in Switzerland. I couldn't stop reading it last night and managed to finish all 269 pages of it in just 4 hours. (ever since I was a kid, if I get enveloped in a good story, I become OBSESSED)

Here's a passage I found particularly poignant given yesterday's post:

(Maria -- the main character -- keeps a diary. This is one of her entries soon after she arrives in Switzerland and before she decides to enter "the oldest profession.")

I spent today outside a funfair. Since I can't afford to fritter my money away, I thought it best just to watch other people. I stood for a long time by the rollercoaster, and I noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop.

What do they expect? Having chosen adventure, shouldn't they be prepared to go the whole way? Or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?

At the moment, I'm far too lonely to think about love, but I have to believe that it will happen and I will find a job and that I am here because I chose this fate. The roller coaster is my life; life is a fast, dizzying game; life is a parachute jump; it's taking chances, falling over and getting up again; it's mountaineering; it's wanting to get to the very top of yourself and to feel angry and dissatisfied when you don't manage it.

It isn't easy being far from my family and from the langauge in which I can express all my feelings and emotions, but, from now on, whenever I feel depressed, I will remember that funfair. If I had fallen asleep and suddenly woken up on a rollercoaster, what would I feel?

Well, I would feel trapped and sick, terrified of every bend, wanting to get off. However, if I believe the track is my destiny and that God is in charge of the machine, then the nightmare becomes something thrilling. It becomes exactly what it is, a rollercoaster, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but, while the journey lasts, I must look at the surrounding landscape and whoop with excitement.

Finally a pic!! But just one... the library is kicking me out.
This is me and my Dutchman in the back of a Beijing taxi.

I heard yesterday that one of my bestfriends told another friend (who lives here in Greencastle) about my possible move to the Netherlands. (which is now definate) She then said something along the lines of "Angela is trying to find herself."

I've been thinking about this since it was told to me. And it upsets me. A lot. More than it should, probably. I mean, "trying to find herself" is a term you use for 22 year old kids who are going backpacking, not me. Is it?

Now some context: my bestfriends (who I met here in this little town and who I feel very lucky to have) are all living the "normal" adult life. They have good jobs. They have husbands. They have nice houses. They drive nice cars. They take nice vacations. They have (or are thinking of having) babies. I'm very happy for them. I love that they love their lives and that they are comfortable and secure.

But why is it when you live your life differently than what's expected that some (most) of your friends and family think that you're not happy... or you're floundering... or you're "trying to find yourself?" Are my choices scary to my friends? I mean, if I can live this way... travel alone to China... take a break from my career... move to the Netherlands to be with a man I've only known for 3 months... does it somehow comment on their more traditional lives in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable? Or do they just simply not understand my choices? Does happiness to them always mean stability?

Yes, one day I would like to marry again and own a nice home. I would like to have children. (hmmm... might be running out of time for this... let's say " a child.") But I also know I have time for this. Lots of it. And I also wouldn't trade the experiences I've had (or am about to have) for anything. I know -- almost without doubt -- that I will regret very little when I'm a little old lady. I will be able to look back and say proudly that I wasn't scared. That I tried... and failed at times... and succeeded at other times.

Every person I know over the age of 40 has those "i wish I would have..." thoughts. And even the happiest of them obsesses over these regrets, just a little.

So, no, my bank account isn't fat (actually it's quite slim... contributions to the "Move for Love Fund" are welcome...), my retirement account is rather dismal too, I'm slinging food and drinks to unappreciative low-tippers, and I have to go learn Dutch. (Can you think of a more useless language?)

But despite all of this, I'm happy. Very. And I know exactly who I am.

I'm blogging to say I have no time to blog. Ah... the busy life of a waitress...

Manual labor. ugh. It's kicking my butt. I have to just keep repeating the mantra "it won't be for forever. it won't be for forever."

Meeting a Dutchman in Shanghai

I’d only been in China for three weeks when my friends and I headed to Shanghai. (from Chengdu – it’s in the Sichuan province) I was still experiencing some extreme culture shock and on top of that, my friends, while sweet and very generous, lead a rather quiet life. Every evening was virtually the same -- go to dinner and head home by 9pm. I’m a night owl, so after several weeks of this sedate lifestyle, I was getting a little stir crazy. Okay, a lot stir crazy. I mainly entertained myself by taking long walks around the city, just soaking up Chinese life and culture.

I was hoping Shanghai would be different, but the routine stayed the same. So, the walks continued. One night after dinner, I was wandering close to our apartment when I saw two Westerners – two young guys to be exact -- walking towards me on the street. (not exactly an odd occurrence in Shanghai, but still, something to notice) When they were just about to pass by me, I stopped them on impulse by saying "I’ll pay you guys a thousand dollars if you speak English to me." They laughed and stopped to talk with me, even though neither one spoke English as their first language. (those smart Europeans with all their languages…) They told me they were engineers and they were in Shanghai for a conference. I told them I was a bored American desperate for some fun. While we’re chatting I realize "Hmmm… the Dutch guy here is cute. Good job, Ang! Way to accost good-looking strangers!" (pat on the back) Anyhoo, we exchanged numbers and emails and they told me they’d call on Tuesday night (it was now Sunday) to go out.
The next day, I’m wandering around – again – when I see the Dutchman walking towards me. This time he’s in a suit. Yowza! Wow… he IS cute! We chat for a few seconds – he’s about to give his conference presentation – and we go our separate ways.

The next night I’m whiling a few hours away in an internet café when Karsten (the other guy) calls to tell me a few of them are headed out for the night. Do I want to come along? Yes! Yes! Please save me from this boredom. (But please oh please… tell me the Dutchman will be there too.)
When I walk into Karsten’s hotel, I see him and some other guy standing there that I don’t know. Er… um… where’s Martijn? (btw: the Dutchman does have a name) But before I can worry, he walks into the hotel and greets me with three kisses. (It’s 3 in the Netherlands. Who knew?)
Okay, I realize I’m getting longwinded here, so I’ll cut to the chase. We had a great night out in Shanghai… drinking… dancing… staying out until the sun was up. Two nights later, Martijn and I go out again – walking around Shanghai, talking and drinking in a cozy little bar. We decide to spend the whole next day – our last – together. Again, it’s fantastic. The next day, he goes home to the Netherlands. I fly to Beijing to meet a friend.

Within 5 days, I invite him back to China for his upcoming holiday. He accepts.

One month later – and about a million emails and IM sessions later – he arrives in Beijing.

By this time, I’m already a little in love with him.

A week into his visit, I know I love him (a lot more than just a little), but I’m afraid to tell him.

A week and a half later, we’re already talking about this relationship becoming more than just a holiday fling.

By the end of July, he’s back home in the Netherlands and he’s asked me to come live with him. (the only logical choice since he’s in the middle of a PhD program)

By August 15th, I’m back in the States and I’ve accepted.

I know it sounds crazy, but I also know it feels right.

And I know I would regret it very much if I didn’t go and take the chance.

While I thought the clientele would be less colorful at my new restaurant, I was completely wrong. Interesting tidbits from the first night include:

1) Being back at a high-end restaurant again gave me a serious sense of deja vous. It's been about 7 years since I've worked at a place like this, but I think no matter the location, no matter the year, the same type of people gravitate to the restaurant business. Seven years ago my boss was Tom. Now, it's John. Both could be called "The Gay Man in Charge." In the kitchen, you have Vinny and Matt -- "The Sarcastic Chefs." (in every restaurant I've worked in, the chefs are ball breakers, but always hilarious) Seven years ago, the main bartender was Seth. Now, it's Travis. Both could also be known as "Bartender Who Takes Job Way Too Seriously."

2) Among the regulars (and there are a lot) are a couple who I'll call E and A. As soon as A walked in (the man) a few of the staff slipped up to me and whispered "watch out for this guy, he's a real jerk." It didn't take long to figure out what they meant. About 4 glasses of cabernet later, he started tearing into his girlfriend -- "I hate when you talk about things you don't know about. You sound so stupid." "This topic is about 10 years beyond your education level." "If you'd just keep your mouth shut, I wouldn't have to talk to you this way." Meanwhile, his sweet girlfriend just sat there and took it. Then, she paid their bill.

And here's the really scary thing, this guy reminded me of G the FC. Now, the difference is G the FC wouldn't say these things to me in public, but similar phrases flung at me in private include "You can't seem to do two things at once." "If I'm mean to you, it's because you make me be mean. I've never treated other girlfriends like this." "Maybe you aren't good enough for me."

Why, oh why, did I put up with this? Why, oh why, does E put up with it? I wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her.

3) The Drunk Big Spenders. They bought two shots of Hennessey Paradis -- $40 a shot. (after they'd already spent loads on other drinks) While this may seem like small potatoes to some of you, it's quite rare in a town where the average bar beer price is $2.

4) I finished the night with a nice glass of French red wine, offered to me by John, my new Gay Man in Charge. While this isn't exactly fascinating information, it was a little slice of heaven after only drinking Chinese red wine. Amazing how your frame of reference changes after living in a (fairly) poor country for a few months.

Sorry folks, but I'll have to save Meeting a Dutchman in Shanghai for tomorrow. No time today and while I'd love to write tonight when I get home from work, the computer is in my mother's room. Ahhh... the joys of living with your parents.

Here's hoping for big tips and blog-worthy characters tonight... see ya

Wow... the power of the blog. I already have some friends sending me harrassing emails demanding life details be posted here. This is something I've been thinking about: Just how honest should I be in these journals? My instinct is to tell it all, though I worry about hurt feelings. Hmmm... maybe I'll just hope that those who might feel uncomfortable with my dishing won't end up here and read about themselves. Besides, I won't give names. I'll stick to initials.

I don't have long today because I have to get ready for work in... er... precisely 8 minutes. Oh and by the way, I have ANOTHER bartending gig lined up. I was called yesterday by my town's nicest restaurant -- The Airport Inn -- and now they want me to start working tonight. Now, I don't think the clientele will be quite as colorful as the bar/motel but the tips will certainly be better. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...

So, first. Before China, I had a boyfriend. A French Canadian boyfriend. (not that that's a terribly pertinent detail, but well... as my friends will tell you, I seem to have a "thang" for men from other places) Now, this relationship was just a tad rocky. Okay, it was a lot rocky. When G the FC was being sweet, he was the sweetest guy you could ever meet -- kind, generous, and fun-loving. But he has a temper and it can get ugly.

Now, before I left, I told him if he couldn't get ahold of this nasty temper, I didn't think we could be together. We also discussed that this time apart could either make us or break us.

As it turned out, it broke us. Partly, because I met someone else. Partly, because I got some distance and realized the nasty temper wasn't going anywhere. G the FC is 39 after all. While I believe people can change, there is that thing about old dogs and I realized G the FC probably wasn't going to be learning any new tricks.

So, I broke up with him the day I got back from China. He knew it was coming and he reacted quite well. But then he had some time to think and the temper surfaced. Forty miles outside of Norfolk, VA (my former home) he let me have it. He screamed and yelled and called me all kinds of unspeakable names. He threatened to throw my things out onto the street.

After spending a night on my friend's couch, I hightailed it for home. And then, my mother got an email from G the FC saying "It was nice to meet you and (my dad), but I'm afraid we won't be seeing each other again. I hope Angela tells you the truth about what happened in China. She is abusive and I cannot take it anymore."

Uh huh. yeah. right.

Whoops... gotta go get pretty for work.

Next time: Meeting a Dutchman in Shanghai

That's it for today. The library is kicking me out and I gotta go call the bar and see when I work next. Yeeeeehaaaawwwwww!

But one last thought, since I'm here. I'm writing from my town's only library and the same librarian is here as when I was a kid. (and she's still as cranky) And the place smells exactly the same. It's nice... the smell of nostalgia. (I'm a geek... I spent A LOT of time here as a kid.)

And finally "The End"

Th-th-th-thaaaatttt's Aaaalllll, Folks!

But as promised, I have one last email in me before I turn in my chopsticks and hop on a plane for Meiguo (pronounced May-gwa -- Mandarin for the good 'ol US of A, and incidentally, means "beautiful land")

So, I thought, for this last email, I'd give you a glimpse at my current, inner conflict, which is this: part of me is very happy to be heading home. I miss my friends, family, and kitties. But almost equally, I feel sad. I've really come to love China.

TOP 10 REASONS WHY IT'S TIME FOR ME TO COME HOME:

1) I now eat shrimp with both their heads still attached and their shells on -- legs, tails, the whole shebang. Not only did I never know you can actually do this, but I find that I really like it. AND... I'm not grossed out at all, even when I notice a little shrimp eye staring at me seconds before I munch on it. Sure sign that I gotta leave China.

2) I have gotten very used to the sight of old Chinese women wearing see-through shirts and no bras. I have no idea why they do this (maybe Mao outlawed bras like he did grass...) but I've seen it so much, I feel strangely intimate with the senior citizen ladies in my neighborhood.

3) I have both forks and chopsticks in my apartment. I always reach for the chopsticks, regardless of what i'm eating.

4) I love trees, grass and fresh air and as you already know, they're in short supply here.

5) Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Why can't any other country figure out how to do this well?

6) I'm no longer scared when I'm in a taxi. Obviously, some key function in my brain that helps me avoid highly dangerous situations has been switched off. I now even sit up front next to the taxi driver like a real Chinese person. Why, you ask, do most people ride shotgun in a Chinese cab? Air-conditioning, plain and simple. In a lot of taxis, if you sit in the back, you roast.

7) I really miss being able to actually put used toilet paper in its proper place -- IN THE TOILET. blech...

8) I can't wait to sleep on a nice, soft American mattress. Without fail, Chinese beds are like sleeping on concrete. Some chiropractor or massage therapist is going to make a lot of money off of me when I get back. (And please notice I said a mattress... not your couch... I feel confident I can find some work and not mooch off of you...)

9) I'm looking forward to the joys of watching American HBO. Yes, I have HBO over here, but they buy THE WORST movies. Did you know Dean Cain starred in a German movie called Post Impact? It's a film about the world after a meteor hits the Earth. It's so bad it makes Showgirls look Oscar worthy. (and no... I didn't watch the whole thing... just had it on while I was packing today.)

10) And the number one reason I need to come home??? (er... or number 10? Dunno... I'm not really ordering these.) The Chinese government is making me. My visa has expired so I gotta leave the country unless I want to see what the inside of a communist jail looks like.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I'LL MISS CHINA

1) The people. I've never felt more welcomed in any country I've ever been to.

2) The food. Sigh... It's soooooooo gooooooooooood. Remember way back when, when I said I'd probably grow tired of the weird bits attached to my food? Obviously, I've gotten used to it. (see point 1 above) Now, i don't eat the really odd stuff -- like hog snouts, chicken feet, beetles, etc etc -- but the everyday Chinese food is amazing. I could just go on and on telling you about it.

3) The cheap cost of living... you don't make much money (compared to the States) but you also don't have to spend much either. I will also miss the fact that life is just, well, simpler here. I've found that I've really divorced myself from the "rat race." Yeah, it's nice to drive a luxury car. It's nice to have expensive clothes. It's nice to live in a big house. But... now that I'm completely removed from those sorts of expectations and pressures, it's much easier to see that you can have a great, fulfilling life without Miu Miu, Mercedes and massive mortgages.

4) These emails. They've been fun to write. Now my life will be boooooring again and I'll go back to having nothing interesting to say. :)

5) The excitment of being in China. It's hard to explain, but there's really a feeling of pioneerism (is that even a word?) here. This is a movin', shakin' place... people are excited about where China's business world is going and nothing is really set in stone. Despite communism, it's almost like there are no rules.

6) If you wanna know what it's like to be a celebrity, come to China. (even better, learn to speak Mandarin fluently... sigh... which I did not) When you walk down the road, people stare at you. If you go to a tourist site, random Chinese people will ask you to take pictures with them. (What DO they tell people about these pictures? For all I know, my head was Photoshop-ed onto some naked girl's body and the pic is gracing the wall of a Chinese teenage boy's bedroom... ) People will think you're beautiful, even if, well, you're not exactly Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie. On one hand, this is kinda annoying (the staring I mean). On the other, it's nice to get attention sometimes. :)

7) I'll miss my friends. They're a lot like you, only they're shorter and their eyes are slantier.

8) Foot massages. Unless, of course, one of my sweet friends out there will do this for me. Hmmmm? Hmmmm? Any takers????

9) Okay, so, back to the food. I'll miss the greenbean icecream bar that I can buy from any vendor on the street. Why are they making ice cream from vegetables? I don't know, but I gotta say, it works. Veeerrrryyy tasty. Though I'm sure it wouldn't be so nice if it was made from, say, brussel sprouts or turnips.

10) Mandarin. It's a cool language. And from what little I've learned, I've come to appreciate the complexities of this language very much. For instance, in Mandarin, a question is often posed as "do you want/think this" OR "do you want/think that?" You can't simply answer yes or no... you gotta choose one. Maybe that's why the Chinese are considered to be good negotiators... they won't let you wriggle out of an answer with something noncommittal like an "uh huh, sure."

And there you have it! I'll be back home on Wednesday and, hopefully, will get to see all of you soon.

Thanks for sharing my adventures with me... I'll now stop clogging your inbox with my inanities...

Much love,Angela

"Chinese pop music sucks..."

...especially when you're forced to listen to it for 6 days straight. I mean, really. It's bad. Imagine a couple of guys who are way prettier than the hottest girl you've ever known, who are dressed like a cross between the Village People and Brittany Spears and BOOM! You've got a Chinese boy band that Chinese teenage girls swoon over. (and the boys like 'em too...)

So... as you've guessed, I'm back from the country and not a minute too soon! It's good good good to be back in my cozy little Beijing apartment. I love smog! I love the heat! I love that i don't live with 50 screaming children!

Now to be fair, i DID manage to have fun, but my employers were a bit slim on the details before I left. (purposely... or else they would've never been able to sucker people into this job...)

I'll give you the day-by-day, blow-by-blow... well, not completely. that would be boring. :)

Tuesday
I was told to meet the bus that would take me to Huairou (Hwy-ro) at 9am at the Beijing Train Station. Great! I thought. That's right by my house. And I know it only takes 10 minutes to get there. Wrong... because I didn't take into account the two things that are the absolute bane of my existence in Beijing:

1) The horrendous traffic. I don't care where you live, the traffic you fight through is nothing compared to Beijing. Sixteen million people live in this city so you can encounter a traffic jam at virtually every time of the day. The traffic's bad but it's only unbearable when combined with the fact that...

2) Beijing taxi drivers LOVE to rip off Westerners. Especially when your Chinese language skills are...well... meager at best. I can deal with Asian toilets that you have to squat over. I can deal with the less-than-stellar hygiene. I can even deal with the pollution. But the one thing that makes me absolutely nuts is when I get the "scenic ride" around Beijing because the driver is trying to make an extra 10 RMB from me. (that's translates to roughly $1.10) It's not the money I'm losing, it's the principle. They will drive into a traffic jam because they figure "hmmm whitey here is rich... I am not... therefore I will make as much money off of her as humanly possible." Meanwhile, I know my neighborhood and know the fastest way to go, but I can't seem to communicate it to the taxi driver. Soooo frustrating.

So, anyway, I made a great first impression because i was 45 minutes late to catch the bus even though I instructed my taxi driver in my caveman Mandarin to go the fast way. Oh well... maybe he was punishing me for speaking his language so badly.

We arrived at the camp after about 2 hours of driving. The first think I noticed was... hmmm... it's green here. Really green. Quite a nice contrast to my temporary adopted city. Beijing is a concrete jungle -- literally. Though you can find patches of grass and trees, someone told me that Mao decided that grass was a "useless pleasantry for the rich" and therefore had workers rip it all out in Beijing. Uh huh... think of that next time you're mowing your lawn.

I also immediately noticed that the camp piped music in ... er... everywhere. Hmmm... I thought... this is kinda nice... pleasant little Chinese melody. I like.

But my enjoyment was short-lived. I soon arrived at my home for the next 6 days. Waaaaaiiiittt a minute. This is a dorm! This where all the children are staying!! Okay, okay, just show me to my private room and I'll be okay. Fat chance, you spoiled American. You're bunking with 6 other people -- two adult women, a little boy, and 3 girls. No this can't be! How will I well... get away from all of you people? What if you snore? What if you're in the bathroom when I want to be there?
Luckily, I wasn't alone. There was another American also suckered into the job with few details. Matt from Minnesota or as I liked to call him -- Matt My Chinese Crutch. Yes, Matt speaks Chinese, so while I did manage to learn a few new things in the country, mostly I just looked at Matt and said "huh? What did they say?"

But fun highlights from the first days include:

1) Freddy, my adopted Chinese son. One of the students at the camp was an 8-year old, chubby boy named Freddy. (Oh by the way, Chinese people who learn English always adopt a Western name) Freddy is an adorable, sweet, happy little boy who would randomly walk up to me and just grab my hand or lean into my thigh and smile up at me. Who knew that a Chinese chubster would make my ovaries kick into overdrive? I swear, I almost snatched him and brought him back with me.

2) Matt and I soon found out that we could escape the screaming children by heading to town. One night the owner of the local snack shop let us ride into town in the back of his pickup truck. Yes, it was dangerous. Yes, I got dirty. But, more importantly, it was fun.

3) Once in town, I tried roasted chicken hearts. They were tasty. (My mother's stomach just flipped over. My father is proud of me.)

4) Immediately, Matt and I notice something very odd about Huairou. Some of the men here don't walk like Chinese men walk. They strut. Chinese men in Beijing do NOT strut. It's not like they shuffle around with their heads down or anything... they more just meander or simply walk or even stroll. But here it's like John Travolta a la Saturday Night Fever has infected some of the men. I swear i can hear the Bee Gees. It gets to the point that we just have to ask someone. Matt -- of course -- starts chatting with some Chinese hairdressers (yes men, no not gay -- that cliche hasn't made it to china) and right away they know what we're talking about. Huairou apparently has gangs. Hence, the strutting is a signal to others "don't f*ck with me" (sorry mom... that was the only appropriate word)

Wednesday
I take a walk. The music follows me. I go deeper into the woods. There are speakers nailed to trees here too. Hmmm... Wait. Where did the Chinese music go? Now they're playing the Muzak version of... um.... some song from the 80s... I know it... I know it... Yes! It's I Wanna Know What Love Is. Hmmm... Foreigner, the elevator version. This is not nearly as enjoyable.

If you're bored at the camp, you can play some games. One of them is ax throwing. I think this is an excellent activity for children.

I am teaching high school students. There's no other word for it. They are annoying.

Thursday
Even when I'm in my room with the door shut, I can still hear the constant din of children screaming and playing. Is this what prison is like? (or motherhood?)

Someone told me today that I look like Celine Dion. This is the second time I've been told this in China. I must leave this place.

One of the Chinese chaperones is a single child. His girlfriend (who's 6 years older...) is also a single child. That means that, by law, they are allowed to have 2 children. Hmmmm... never knew this. Also... he's only 20. He's not allowed to marry his girlfriend until he's 23. (women can marry at 20)

The same Chinese chaperone tells Matt and I that in Guangzhou (a city in the south of China known for weird food) they make soup with human babies. If a woman miscarries, they take the fetus and put it in hot milk with salt. Then they drink the broth. Oh my god... i think I'm gonna toss my fortune cookies...

Friday
If hear I Wanna Know What Love Is one more time, I might go crazy. Why is this music on constantly? Do they find it to be relaxing?

Saturday
I escape prison for a night when Hogan comes with some friends and whisks me away to a little "resort." (chinese style... not exactly the Ritz) Would've been great, except they spoke Chinese all night. I sat there with a stupid smile on my face. Hey.... but at least I got to sleep alone.
There's a kid in my class who sleeps for the entire 2 hours I'm teaching. My ego is starting to be a little bruised. Why doesn't he just stay in bed? Why come here and show me how boring I am?
Freddy makes a little chair out of wood during art class. He gives it to me. I get a little teary eyed.
SundayMatt and i escape -- yet again -- but to our closer haven. There's a little restaurant outside the gates of the camp where we can drink beer away from prying children's eyes (lest they be corrupted) and eat some yummy food. They also have a little "pond" where you can catch your own fish. (which then is promptly killed and gutted in front of you.) Matt and I try this. I secretly feel good when he's the one to catch our dinner. I'm a hypocrite. I'll eat the fish... I just don't want to be directly responsible for its death.

Speaking of fish, I watched the 7 year old who sleeps in my room poke the eyeball out of the fish on our lunch table. He then ate it. That's China for ya.

Monday
Time to go home!! Of course, in typical China fashion, I'm put on the wrong bus and sent with the people who are going to the Northwest of Beijing. I live in the Southeast. I get dumped by the side of the road somehere north of my apartment and have to take a taxi home. But at least my driver takes me there directly. :)

That's it for camp! And it's almost it for me in China! I only have a few days left, but I do think I have one more email left in me. So, until then, dsai jian! (pronounded zi jee-ann. means goodbye) :)

See you soon!
Angela

PS. I just noticed that one of the women in the store downstairs has a mullet. If you know how to say "business in the front and party in the back" in Mandarin, please let me know.

"Toilet paper on the table..." (again, gotta go find the pic)

Ni hao my beloved friends and family....

To immediately satisfy your curiosity about that title, let me explain: When you dine at the casual, local restaurants in China you will notice a plastic, square box on your table with a little slip of white paper sticking out. You instinctively know that this box must hold the napkins for your table, despite the weird container. You reach over, give a tug (once you've slopped food on yourself -- remember my warnings about the chopsticks?) and soon you feel like that magician who pulls the never-ending rope of scarves from his sleeve. You keep pulling and pulling and pulling, but your brain protests: Wait a second!!!! This is toilet paper!!! Why wasn't this in the bathroom where I really needed it? (see below for explanation) Why is it here on my dinner table???!!! Needless to say, I've felt rather strange wiping my face with a big wad of TP, but as there's no other option and I am messy, I've gotten used to it.

But here's the real irony of this situation: THERE'S NEVER TOILET PAPER IN THE WOMEN'S BATHROOMS. EVER. So, women here are on a constant quest for paper. Sure, some of us remember to bring TP in our purses when we leave home, but many of us who are a tad more forgetful have gotten into the habit of pilfering napkins if and when they come across our paths. Visiting the Starbucks for a nice little ice coffee on a hot day? Steal the napkins. Having a nice dinner at a more expensive restaurant? Steal the napkins. Passing through an upscale air-conditioned hotel to take a break from the heat? Steal the napkins (and the TP and anything else they've been careless enough to leave about.)

So, in case you've missed the irony here, let me just spell it out for you. In China, I wipe my face with toilet paper and I wipe... well... you know, the other parts... with napkins. Got it?

I've included pictures of this weird-China-habit (look at the lower right corner), not because I think you'll have difficulty imagining this cultural difference but so I can introduce you to my local hangout. I now have a place where "everyone knows my name." Oh wait... no they don't, but they know me enough to say "oh hey, here comes that white girl who always orders the same food because she can't read Chinese." This is a very special place. All the employees and patrons are Chinese except for me and one other American guy (my only Western neighbor that I know of), the food is good (and cheap!) and one of the guys who works there is exceptionally rare for a Chinese man. He actually speaks to Westerners. Even more than that, he actually speaks to me -- a Western woman. He is the FIRST and ONLY Chinese man to speak to me without a formal introduction. There are a couple reasons why Chinese men don't talk to me: 1) This is still a pretty conservative culture and so a lot of men just don't speak to women they don't know. 2) I'm Western and (despite my advanced age) I'm considered to be quite beautiful. (remember I'm VERY exotic here!) Therefore, I'm even scarier to talk to and 3) most Chinese men don't know English and if they do, they don't want to try to speak it and risk "losing face" by speaking it badly. But my friend (woo da poong yo -- mandarin for "my friend") at the restaurant apparently didn't get the memo because he'll blabber on to me everytime I see him. It's great. I practice my very limited Mandarin and he practices his even more limited English.

Speaking of my limited Mandarin, it's about to get a boost. Starting today, I'll be spending the next week in a little village about 40 miles northeast of Beijing. The company I've been teaching for asked me if I'd like to teach English up there and since it sounded like a little adventure, I thought, why not? I only have to teach from 9am to 11:30 everyday and the rest of the day is playtime. But as this place is just a village (I read it's mostly farmers and animal herders) playtime will mostly consist of hiking, practicing my Chinese and... um... I have no clue what else. I doubt I'll spend much time socializing over martinis and dining on fine cuisine. :) But I'm not complaining because:

I will be escaping the unbearable, torturous, hateful, pollution-filled Beijing heat. You think you're hot right now? I scoff at your discomfort. Not only is China a hot country in the summer, but couple that with the thick blanket of smog that hangs over Beijing and there are times I feel like I can't even breathe. Literally. And what I find to be amazing is people function just fine in this heat. Men do construction. Women sell flowers. Traffic guards keep me from crossing the street illegally. (while dressed in full polyester uniforms, no less. God... I feel so sorry for them.) Because of this oppressive heat, I've decided the BEST job in the world in China is working at Starbucks. Starbucks is heaven. Nirvana. Paradise. While the rest of the Chinese population is sweating their butts off in the brutal sun, the women in Starbucks are luxuriating in frigid air-conditioning (exceedingly rare for China), sipping ice coffees and nibbling on cookies. Plus, they're getting free English lessons since every Westerner within a 10 mile radius will eventually hone in on the local Starbucks in order to get a little taste of home. (And in my case, steal the napkins.)
My local Starbucks for a week was actually not my local Starbucks, but one close to where I was teaching. I lucked out when a fellow American teacher called me a few weeks ago and asked if I wanted to teach a class at China Agricultural University. Since the money was good, I jumped at the chance. This was quite an experience. The class was simply "conversational English" which means that basically I just had to get them more used to speaking and listening to English. Like most students in China, they can read and write English fairly well, but are painfully shy when it comes to speaking it. I loved teaching this class. Highlights included: Reciting Dr. Seuss (big BIG hit with the kids), watching and discussing movies, and a show and tell day. On the last day of class, a few of my students wrote me letters telling me how much they appreciated me as a teacher. I even got a few gifts. It was incredibly gratifying... why don't I get this much love as a TV producer????

Other fun things since I last wrote:

1) I had another Thai massage. While I was not touched in any "surprising" areas this time, this massage was A LOT rougher. For those of you who don't know, a Thai massage is like having someone do yoga to you. Imagine a tiny little Chinese girl grabbing your limbs and contorting your body into strange and painful positions including: bending your legs behind your head, flipping you up onto her feet into a backbend and twisting you so far that you think "that's it... no question about it... I will leave this place in a wheelchair." But despite the pain, you leave the place feeling really good.

2) There are the remains of a Ming Dynasty wall just a short walk from my apartment. Nothing funny about that... just thought you should know.

3) I visited the Great Wall!!!! Finally!!! And it was... um... really great.

4) I like to live by the adage -- Do something everyday that scares you. So... one day after teaching my eager little English students at China Agricultural University, i decided the best way to get home from the subway (the dee tee-a in Mandarin) was to take a motorcycle taxi. Why was this scary, you ask? Well... imagine a refrigerator precariously perched on the back of an old motorcycle and you have a fair picture of what this thing looks like. There's room for one person in the back -- oh alright, one white girl with a big American butt or two petite Chinese girls -- and you face away from the driver. This affords you an excellent view of the traffic wildly speeding and careening towards you in what will most certainly become your final resting place. My driver ferried me home at the breakneck pace of 25 kilometers per hour. (17 mph??) We were moving so slow that the traffic locked in Beijing traffic moved faster. Ten year olds on bikes moved faster. I think I even saw an old man with a walker whiz by. But despite how long it took to get home and the river of sweat that had soaked the front of my shirt by the end, I'm glad I had the experience. At the very least, I fulfilled my "scare quota" for the day. :)

5) My friend Hogan suckered me (and I mean suckered me) into being on his English-language TV show. Yes, I'm now a star on Beijing TV. But if I'd been given all the details, it may never have happened. Here is a typical Chinese/American exchange: Hogan "How would you like to be on my show? No big deal... just a few hours... a half day at most. Really casual." Me: "Ummm... okay... sure whatever you need Hogan." Hogan: "Okay, you gotta be there at 10am. Don't be late. " (repeated 3 times) Me: "Sure, of course, okay." (but thinking... don't be late??? This is China. Everything starts late.) So, I show up at 10am and it's not even CLOSE to being a casual deal. There's a studio audience. I have to get into makeup. I'm expected to act out skits, but have no clue what the topics will be. I arrive at 10am (yes, believe it or not, I was on time) and sit there until 3pm before anything happens!!!! And, of course, a half day (at most) turns into a 12 hour day. Oh well... I got paid. And after I stopped freaking out over the nerves of acting in front of an audience, I managed to have a really good time.

6) Weird China quirk number 3784: You pay your electricity as you go here. There's no bill at the end of the month. So, what does this mean? If you don't keep up with paying your electricity, eventually, it'll run out on you. Of course, this happened to me. I was rushing around one day, getting ready to leave for China Agricultural and suddenly, the lights went off, the hairdryer stopped, and the AC died. Hmmm... did I blow a fuse? Did the rest of the building go out? Nooooo... I just ran out of power at the worst possible moment. Don't worry, I managed to get power back before the ice cream in my freezer melted. (see note above about big american butt...)
Well, I need to get ready for my adventure in the country. You know, need to pack my cocktail dresses and high heels.

I come home on August 10th... so there are only a few more weeks left in my China experience. I will be sure to write next week, though, and fill you in on my days outside of Beijing.

Miss you,Angela

"I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy..." (note: the unusual dish was ox penis and the pictures... well... I gotta go try to find them)

... but no one here cares. I didn't have one hot dog or hamburger or see one American flag. I even had to work and not one of my students said a THING to me about my little American holiday. It's like China is on the other side of the world or something. :)

Today is Day 59 of the China Adventure. And these are the haps from just south of Tiananmen Square. (Did I mention I live just south of Tiananmen Square? How cool is that?)

1) The other day I watched table tennis on TV (you know that sport we call ping pong and we can barely beat our grandmother at it) and I LIKED IT. REALLY. It was fast-paced and exciting and quite athletic. I take this as irrefutable evidence that I must come home soon.

2) To those of my friends who've had children or are currently wearing maternity clothes. You think these clothes are bad in the States? Ha!! I laugh at your frustration. You should come to China. The only option for women here who have "a bun in the oven" are these horribly shapeless, totally unflattering -- and usually pink -- dresses that are very much like mummus. They even make skinny, cute little Asian women look like barges. Imagine what they would make us look like.

3) My friend Hogan told me that men always want to marry a girl from the south of China. (remember... Hogan is my friend currently searching for the appropriate trophy wife) He said Beijing girls and other girls from the north are too much like Western girls. You cheat and she will drop you in a second. Well, at least she will torture you for a goooooooddddd looooooonnnnngggg time. However, the Southern Chinese woman (who by the way are ALSO considered to be quite beautiful) takes pride in her husband's virility. In other words, she is quite pleased when her husband has many lovers. Her husband's studliness reflects well on her. "Oohhhhh my husband is SOOO manly, that I am not enough for him. He must have many women to be satisfied." Now... I don't know if this is just Hogan's wishful thinking or if this is actually true. NOTE: To my single male friends, if this prospect is interesting... I will certainly try to verify this information for you. (but I have to tell you, on principle, I think you suck)

4) Also to those same male friends, please make note of interesting China note number 2. You've been warned.

5) If you visit China, you might as well leave your credit card at home. The chances you can actually USE this handy piece of plastic here are quite slim. Unlike the States, everyone here operates with cash. Always. This is incredibly confusing for the average foreigner in this country. Say, you're in a restaurant. You ask in your very limited Mandarin "Do you take credit cards?" They reply "yes!" You think "oh thank God, I'm so cash poor... I found a place that will feed me on credit! They take your card, they swipe it in front of you and the error sign starts blinking incessantly. They try it again. Again, no luck. You start feeling embarassed. Am I over the limit? Did I pay my last bill? Don't worry, you're not a deadbeat. It's just that you're not using a Chinese credit card. Huh? There are different types??? Yes indeedy, your country's credit is no good here. You want to use credit, you better get a card from the Bank of China. And the chances that you can get one of those issued to you are... well... zero. Happy shopping!

6) My home in China is located at Guangqumen Qiao. (pronounce: gwang-chu-men-chee-ow) By the way, qiao means bridge. And from this bridge (which is over both water and traffic -- more later on Beijing traffic) men will gather in the evenings and fly their kites. This is a sight to see. It's more than a past time -- it's a sport, like soccer or football or even my new favorite, table tennis. These men must measure their prowess by who can fly their kite so high that you basically cannot see it anymore. I've seen kites so high that I swear I saw satellites pass underneath of them. Remember a few weeks back when the solar sail spacecraft got lost? (If you don't, start reading more news, you cretin. I'm in China and I even know what's going on over there!) Anyway, I think I saw a Chinese man hook this thing on his kite and yank it in. It's now stored in a shed behind his house with his bicycle and an old wok that he no longer uses.

7) Today, on my way to work, my taxi broke down. I was riding along and all of the sudden the car began to shudder. My taxi driver looked at me with embarassment and said "blah blah blah blah blah." (well, it sounded more like "sh wu sh ga sh chu ga ga wu wu") I took this to mean "hey white lady, my cheap chinese cab is about to break down, you're gonna have to get off your big American butt and walk soon." As I was already running late for work (of course...) I looked at my fellow teacher in panic and said "We're not gonna make it." He replied confidently "No no... we're gonna make it." I looked at him with skepticism and just then the cab driver took a hard right and coasted to the curb. The car was dead. But unlike a Chinese person, he did not make us pay (more later on the Chinese soaking Westerners for every cent they have.) Did I mention the taxi was a French made car? Need I say more?

8) Finally, you're getting some pictures from China! Here's a dinner that I had with some friends where I had a rather unusual dish. (there was a another Westerner at dinner and he also was a brave soul and tried the new weird food with me) As you'll notice, though, from the pics, I'm still true to form. Beer was my drink of choice. I have to say, I didn't really enjoy this particular Chinese delicacy. Blech.

Farewell from China. Hope everyone had a drunken and fireworks-filled 4th.

Love you and miss you all!
Angela (by the way... my name is pronounced here AHN -gee-LAAAH)

"Beijing is starting to feel like home"

Hello my loved ones! (and those of you I just merely tolerate... :)

My apologies for the long absence from these updates. I don't have a very good excuse other than I've been simply getting myself settled into Beijing. You'll be happy to know that I now have a place to live and I'm working on being gainfully employed. While I'm now "certified" to teach English classes for my friend's company, I don't exactly have a regular teaching gig set up yet. I'm hoping that will come through this week. (but still... maybe you want to think about getting that couch ready for me, just in case...)

But don't worry (mom... i know you... you're worrying...) I also have an interview with CCTV on Monday. CCTV is the gigantic, government-run television company over here. And no, I haven't managed to learn mandarin that fast -- they also have an English language channel. My friend Hogan took me there for a little meet and greet and they were rather excited by my resume. So... I'll go in Monday and take a copy-writing test and a screen test. Yes, that's right. They may actually put my mug on camera. If that happens, then I could become a bit of a celebrity over here. I kid you not. Really... there still aren't a huge number of channels, so if you're on TV at all, people get to know your face. And since my face is just a tad different than others in China, I would certainly stick out. Anyhoo... keep your fingers crossed for me. (You know, 'cause you don't want me as a houseguest... I'm messy and I'll eat all of your food.)

I can't believe it, but China is starting to feel normal to me. However... I think I can still put together a fun list of "weird cultural differences" for you to enjoy. Here goes:

1) If you come to China and decide to fly around to different cities, beware. Just because your ticket says you're flight is leaving from gate 24, that doesn't exactly mean it will ULTIMATELY leave from gate 24. Now, imagine you're me. First of all, you're a fairly clueless person by nature anyway. Add to that that you don't speak Mandarin. (though, by god, you do need to learn those numbers pretty fast or else you will miss every flight) You find your gate, you cram yourself into a tiny little Asian-person sized chair between an old lady clutching a gigantic, plastic bag and a middle-aged man who's... well... just staring at you. You keep checking the board, making sure you're flight hasn't left without you because it's already 5:30pm and you were supposed to leave at 5pm. No... it's still here. But, all of a sudden you realize: hey... they changed the gate on me! Wait?! Was that that last announcement? The didn't do the English translation! arrrgggghhhhh. You grab your stuff and sprint for gate 41. Ah ha! Sure enough, the flight to Beijing is now going out of this gate. You relax. You think it'll all be okay. You idly glance up at the board one last time and realize... oh my god, the gate has changed yet again! You run back down the stairs to find your new gate and, there they are -- 150 Chinese people boarding your flight to Beijing. How did they know? Why didn't they run to the other gate? I am convinced it was some sort of conspiracy against the clueless white girl. I'm sure I saw that little old lady laughing at me....

2) Last night at dinner, I was paid a compliment by a Chinese woman. She said "oh, you must have been very beautiful ten years ago." Now, I ask you: does THIS sound like a compliment to you? When this little gem was translated to me, I looked at the translator in absolute horror. Huh? Excuse me, I must have misunderstood. Could you say that again? My friend assured me that in China, this is a nice thing to say. See... I'm supposed to accept that I'm old here and take the compliment for what it is. I'm now simply the remains of what was once a fine-looking woman. Gee... okay... since you put it THAT way. But it's okay, I repaid the compliment. I said "oh thank you and you would be skinny if it wasn't for your big, fat, as*." I assured her that this was a very nice thing to say in the States... :)

3) Tonight, I had an ear massage and it was a little slice of heaven. I know it sounds bizarre, but it's the same premise as acupuncture and foot massages. There are pressure points in your ears and when they're manipulated, it relaxes different parts of the body. Now, I understand why we all die of heart attacks and Asian people live until their 100. They take relaxation very seriously.

4) MSG is tasty. While we're advertising that our foods contain "No MSG", the Chinese are dumping loads of the stuff into everything they eat. It's a flavor enhancer and they're name for it, which is pronounced way-jeen, literally means something like "yummy stuff." And really, it's hard to escape it here, so if the stuff messes you up, you'll be eating a lot of... um... watermelon if you visit China.

5) About the 1 couple, 1 child policy. While it's still in effect, you can have more than one child if you pay some money to the government. However, that's not the interesting thing I learned. There's the concept of 4-2-1 in China. Sure... you may only have one child, but there are 4 grandparents and 2 parents who are utterly and completely committed to making sure that one child is successful. So, these kids have everything. English lessons (very expensive), good clothes, education abroad, etc. etc. It's more than simply grandma and grandpa spoiling the kids. They see it as their duty to help financially support their grandchild.

6) The Gobi desert is advancing rapidly and it's a big problem for Beijing. (and the rest of China) I don't know the exact number, but the desert gets closer -- a lot closer -- to Beijing every year. Case in point: The desert expanded something like half the size of Pennsylvania in just five years. Eek. And it's strange... after being in Chengdu and Shanghai, I can definately tell that Beijing has desert close by. You can even see dust in the air and on the streets. I think the Gobi is only like 100 miles away from Beijing right now which makes me wonder: what will the situation be like for the 2008 Olympics? Maybe they'll just need to add new events like camel racing or a sand castle building competition.

7) China consumes more Chivas Regal than any other country. In fact, I had some the other night -- mixed with a green tea softdrink. Yup, that's right, Scotch and green tea. Sounds disgusting, but was surprisingly tasty.

8) I now have CNN. But... if something comes on that the Chinese government isn't too happy about, the screen goes blank for a few seconds. I'd give you an example of what those topics are but I want this email to make it to you. :)

That's it for now, my pets. I have to do a little writing for my interview tomorrow. The topic: what CCTV is doing well, how it can improve, and how I can help. ugh...

Miss you all!
Angela

From June 3rd -- "Sino-American relations are on the upswing..."

It sure seems like you've been hearing a lot from me these days, but I thought I should write one last email message before I head off to Beijing tomorrow. Oh yeah, by the way, I'm moving to Beijing tomorrow.

First of all, let me tell you that things between my Chinese friends and I have greatly improved. Gifts, hugs and tears were exchanged and now all is right with my little world.

So, today is my last day in Chengdu. I've greatly enjoyed my time in this city and I'll miss Sichuan food terribly (where else can you eat food that contains a spice that paralyzes your tongue?), but I have to say I'm anxious to return to the hustle and bustle of the capital city. Hopefully, the gods of fortune will smile on me there and I'll make some money. (otherwise, I might be sleeping on your couch when I get back.)

But since I have a little time before I head off to the land of the Forbidden City and the Great Wall, I thought I'd give you all an "official update" about the sights, sounds, habits and happenings from China. Here goes:

1) I've decided to come back to the States and become a millionaire with my new diet plan called "The Chopstick Diet." Here's how it works: If you have a few unsightly pounds that you'd like to lose, start eating all of your meals with chopsticks. No exceptions. And, you can't use those wooden ones like you do at the Sushi place. Those are for wussies. You gotta use the slippery plastic or metal ones. Now, I do suggest that until you get the hang of them, you wear a bib because a lot of your food WILL land on your lap. Or your chest. Or the floor. The secret principle behind this fantastical diet plan is simple: It's called starvation. Okay, okay... not really... I have been able to make it through a whole meal and actually consume enough food. Really, it's more about the fact that you eat so slowly that you realize your full before your food is gone. I remember reading one time that ancient cultures thought forks were barbaric because it seemed like you shovel your food into your mouth when you use them. I kinda understand. When you see how daintily people eat here -- especially the women -- you can see one of the reasons everyone is so thin. Even still, despite McDonalds and KFC.

The other interesting food thing I like about China is that you're always eating macrobiotically. (eat your hearts out Madonna and Gwyneth) Your food is always fresh and before it landed on your table it was recently being plucked, dug up, or slaughtered at a farm not far from your restaurant. This was made especially clear to me one night when I was walking through Chengdu and could smell something burning everywhere I went. I later asked Tao about it and he said "oh that's the farmers on the outskirts of town burning the wheat husks." Well, okay then.

2) I'm getting really good at crossing streets here. I mean, I'm getting cocky. Now, this may not sound like much of an accomplishment, but I assure you it is. (as you may remember from one of my earlier emails) It's right up there with things like firewalking or hanggliding or other treacherous activities. I think of it as the art of anticipation. Is that bike going to zig left or right? Will that car run the redlight or will the traffic guard be able to stop it? And for god's sake, once you start across the street, don't change your trajectory. For instance, you might think "hmmm... I'll be nice and let that little old Chinese woman on her bike go ahead of me." No No No. Because she's already thought "American girl up ahead. While I'm tempted to hit her she'll be past point X by the time I get there, so I will go behind her." If you stop like a deer in headlights, you've just screwed it all up. Or been hit.

3) They do the same thing to us that we do to them. If I YELL Mandarin at her, eventually she will understand.

4) Offensive hygiene habit number #4785: Public spitting. Everyone spits in public here. Even young women. I will forever associate the sound of someone getting ready to spit with China. I have to imagine that it has to do with some sort of belief about good health. (pretty much everything is about staying healthy.... )

5) About my trip to Shanghai... wow... what a cool city. Now, I know part of the luster of Shanghai was it's large ex-pat population. I was really jazzed to speak English. It was like a language oasis in my Mandarin desert. But also, Shanghai is very cosmopolitan and posh. There are dark little bars tucked into alleyways. There are high end stores and impossibly tall Asian models. (where did THEY come from... did the Chinese government breed them?) There's just a general hipness to the place that you don't really feel in most of China. But also... Shanghai appeals to my inner sci-fi geek. There are these huge, exotically-shaped skyscrapers blinking neon and the only magnetic-propelled train in the world. (which, unfortunately, I didn't ride.) When I stopped in the middle of all of it to soak it up, it was like I was in Blade Runner. And the really crazy thing is that 15 years ago, none of it was there. I saw an exhibition with before and after pics of Shanghai and it's amazing how fast that city became what it is now. In 1990, it was virtually all bikes and dirt roads.

6) My friend Hogan in Beijing likes to make fun of the ex-pat guys who come here to find wives. He says, without fail, they pick the ugly ones. Now, apparently, what we deem to be a beautiful Asian woman is not exactly what Asian men find attractive. He says they always get the girls with the round faces and the wider noses. Since Hogan is currently wife shopping (i.e. looking for the appropriate trophy wife) he has very specific tastes. She must have a more Western, angular face and have a thin nose. Whatever... I guess we always want what our culture deems to be rare.

7) Oh yeah, and by the way, I'm old here. Over the hill. As in, you better find a husband soon 'cause you're virtually un-marrieable. I had a woman come up to me to practice her English and it went like this. Her: "Oh, you are so beautiful. How old are you?" Me: "32" Her: "oh my, you don't look like that. 32 is old in China." Not one of my better moments. :) (and if any of you write to say I'm also old in the States, I will never speak to you again. :)

8) I had one of "those" massages. Alright, not really, but I thought that would get your attention. However, I will say that I did have a massage in Beijing that had some surprising parts to it. Ah ha now you're curious... Hogan took me and another American out on the town and then we went to a spa afterwards. Yes, after. I was at a spa at 3am. Soon after we arrived, I was taken to the "girls" side by a nice little lady who helped me undress. (apparently, i need help with this activity). Then, I went for a shower where my very attentive attendant helped me shower. Huh? This I KNOW I can handle on my own, but she insisted on soaping up my back for me. (Oh yeah, you gotta be clean for a full-body massage in China. Them's the rules.) After I donned my little pajamas -- shorts and little shirt -- I was whisked into an elevator. I assumed I was now going to my massage. Nope. It was time to eat. Before I realized it, I was in a coed dining room with wet hair and no makeup. Plus, now it's 3:30am. I was quite a beauty, I'm sure. After some dumplings with my friends, we finally went to our respective rooms for our massages. Not only did I have a Thai massage, but I also got a more traditional Hong Kong massage. And if you want to know the suprising parts, you're just gonna have to ask personally. I'm keeping this g-rated. (don't worry, mom and dad, it wasn't anything that weird or illegal) 2 1/2 hours later, at 6am, I finally emerged from the spa. Birds were chirping, the sun was shining and I felt like I was doing the walk of shame. :)

Well, that's it for now. I don't know when I'll be able to write again, but I promise not to be a stranger. Tomorrow is the one-month mark for me and I can barely believe it's only been that long. I've had so much happen to me that it feels like I've been here for a year.

Miss you, Angela

This one is "Lost in Translation"

Alright... I've managed to settle some of my crises (of course, new ones are cropping up, but I'm ignoring those for the moment) and since so many of you are just DYING to know what horrible offensive thing I did over here, I thought I'd take some time to write.

So... my friends... Well, I guess I should write "friends." What can I say? My mother did a terrible job raising me. That must be it. KIDDING MOM!!!

After talking with 2 other Chinese people, I now know what went wrong. I can't say I know EXACTLY what happened but I'm getting a clue. And let me just say... all those things you read about Sino-American relations and cultural snafus and the Chinese "saving face," etc etc... you have NO clue what they mean until you experience it firsthand. And then, if you screw up, don't expect the offended person to be direct with you and tell you exactly what you did. No way. Doesn't work like that. They talk circles around the issue and you're supposed to read between the lines and know what they mean. Um... but... since most of us big dumb americans don't even know what page they're on, reading between the lines is impossible.

So, here's the scenario: My friends are very quiet people. They don't go out at night, they don't drink, they don't spend time in clubs, etc. I like the nightlife. (yeah, big shock to most of you...) My life has also been very quiet, but in Shanghai I managed to meet up with some fellow Westerners and go out for an evening. Now, I told my hosts I would be out late, but that didn't keep them from worrying about me. But that wasn't really the problem. When they told me they'd been worried, they didn't like the way I reacted. Them: "Angela, we don't mind what you do, but we were worried. Please call next time. We didn't realize just how late you'd be out." Me: "okay, I'm very sorry... I didn't call because it was so late and I didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry you worried, but really... I'm okay. I was in busy, crowded places, and I never left the crowd. Please don't worry about me. I'm being very careful out there. I promise. I'll call next time."

Cultural screwup #1: I NEVER should've told them not to worry. Now... as you guys know, that's just sort of a turn of phrase, but here, that's offensive. They really consider me to be like a little sister and they feel responsible for me in everything I do. Everything. It goes much deeper than just worrying about your guests, it's about saving face. If anything were to happen to me, they would be responsible.

Cultural screwup #2: While they said they didn't mind that I was out late, they did. While my friends are pretty modern, they're kinda not. A woman staying out late is a bad woman. Lisa stays home all day long, cleans, cooks, takes care of details and basically does everything for her husband. She does not hang out with friends in a bar. She is a good woman. My character is a bit more dubious... :)

Cultural screwup #3: While they said they didn't mind my personal habits (just naturally I stay up later than them) what I should have done was completely conform to their habits. Though, I have to say, I would have gone absolutely nuts if I hadn't had some nightowl fun in Shanghai. (Did I mention they go to dinner and then come home immediately every night?)

Cultural screwup #4: By making some new friends, I was essentially telling them that I didn't need them. Very bad. Pretty much... when you're being hosted by the Chinese, they feel responsible for being everything to you -- shelter, food, entertainment, money if need be, etc etc. If you forge your own way, you're basically telling them that they're not doing a good enough job for you.

Cultural screwup #5: Okay, so this one's not in the original story, but it'll resonate with a lot of you. My bankcard was stolen and I was freaking out trying to take care of the matter. What I SHOULD have done was go to Tao and ask for his help. And he probably would've given me money and never asked for it to be re-paid. Trying to solve the problem on my own was again a BIG no-no. It was very offensive to them. They are wealthy. They do not care about money. They can give it to me and it makes them look good. This is SO against my nature, I don't think I'll ever get the hang of it.

Okay, so enough of the cultural screwups... there are just too many to count. But is all boils down to this: as someone told me today, nobody does anything alone in China. Independence is not a virtue and quite honestly, if someone is helping you, it's a horrible insult. So, just by my very nature, I'm insulting in this country. Great... let's see if I can p*ss off 1.3 billion Chinese...

Despite about a million apologies and gifts, I'm not sure this will ever be resolved. Apparently, once you screw up, it's very very difficult to put it back together again. But luckily I have a friend of a friend in Beijing who's willing to help me out a bit. (And, he's Chinese, but he understands just how insulting Americans can be... he keeps telling me to stop being so polite.) So, once my visa clears here in Chengdu, I'm flying back to Beijing.

And on the flipside, while part of me feels horrible for what's happened, part of me is relieved. It's hard to rely so heavily on someone for help with everything and to not know if you're showing your gratitude in the proper way. I guess I'd rather just pay for an apartment in Beijing and do my own thing. Oh wait... this is my pesky independence getting in the way again. Whoops... bad American. Bad Bad Bad.

I have lots of fun experiences to share with you guys also, but it'll just have to wait. I gotta get back out there... you know, I've got some work to do. There are a lot of people here I have yet to offend. :)

With (more) wrinkles and gray hair from China...
Ang

This one from June 1st was called "not an update, just a report...."

... that I am still alive. However, I find that I am cursed in this country. Bank card was stolen (mom... don't panic, I'm okay. I'm getting a new one.) I've offended my friends (I reacted a way to them they found to be disrespectful, but trust me... it was just very American... I didn't even know I'd done anything wrong until they informed me) and now they are being very passive aggressive towards me. (which i hear is very Chinese)

So... I'm alive and promise a more full report once the dust has settled. So you know my wanderings... I was in Shangahi for a week and a half, then was in Beijing for the weekend. I got back to Chengdu last night. And despite all the drama, I have managed to have some fun. You know... I always work that in somehow...

Much love...
Angela

And number 3... called "Dispatch 3 from the other side of the world"

Ni hao! And apologies to those of you who are just now in my little e-journal loop. I just recently had time to sit down and create a "group" for these emails. It's 10:37am right now and I'm sitting in my friends' apartment sponging off their kindness yet again. (They're internet connection is WAY better than anywhere else I've found.) They are busy getting ready for our trip today to Shanghai. I should be doing the same, but those of you who have lived with me know that I always put things off to the last minute. :)

The past few days have been pretty tame, but, since everything is new to me here, I have lots to report:

1) Contrary to popular belief, the Chinese do not just find dogs to be tasty additions to dinner, but also find them to be lovable. I have seen a lot of people on the street with pet dogs. Now, I have noticed that most people favor the smaller breeds... the little toy dogs... and I haven't really made up my mind about this preference. Is it because most people live in apartments and have little space to keep a big dog? Or... is it because these animals are so small they're just not worth the effort of stir-frying them?

2) Okay, I admonished of few of you for having dirty minds (you know who you are!!) when I wrote about having my first massage over here. I take it back. You were right. There ARE those kind of massages here. Apparently, you can go to a massage place and request either a "therapeutic" massage or one for "entertainment." Basically, if you ask for an entertainment massage, you're asking for a prostitute. And while prostitution is basically illegal here, it's not really. The authorities look the other way. And no... for those of you imagining some funny scenario where Angela walks into a massage place and accidentally requests an entertainment massage, let me just tell you that didn't happen. I was just told about them.

3) For those of you with "potty" issues, don't come here EVER unless you plan to only stay in 5-star hotels and dash back there everytime you have to go. There aren't many places that have western-style toilets. What most people use here -- in the office buildings, restaurants, etc -- is basically a hole in the ground. Now, it's a tiled and porcelain hole in the ground, but still you have to squat over it. AND you can't throw toilet paper into it. You have to put it into the trashcan next to the hole. I'll say no more.

4) Neon is big here. At night, there are a lot of buildings and signs lit up here in technicolor neon. It's loud and gaudy and I love it. Makes me feel like I'm always in Vegas. :)

5) At night, Chinese people are outside, socializing with each other, walking through the park, playing chess, etc. You can also see little old ladies dancing in groups for exercise. I love that eveyone seems to be connected to each other here... It's like Chengdu is a little neighborhood of 14 million. I don't feel like I'm in a big city at all.

6) The notion of status is still very much a reality here. Now, of course, we recognize status in the States, but I think it's a little more pronounced In China. For example, Tao and Lisa drive a BMW and you don't see many of those here. And basically, a BMW means you can go anywhere. You can park on the sidewalk, you can make u-turns in the middle of the street, you have the best parking spots reserved for you. And you never open your own door... wherever you are someone is there to open your door for you. I gotta get me a beemer... :)

Okay, that's it for now. I'm off to Shanghai to get into some shenanigans. :)

Miss you...
Angela

And here's the second update I sent, which was aptly named "update 2 from china."

well... i'm finally connected. right now, i'm sitting in an internet cafe... a really grubby internet cafe, but hey, who cares, it functions. my friends are very great and very generous, but it's nice to have some time on my own. as you can imagine, moving around is difficult when you can't speak the language (though my friends tell me my pronunciation of mandarin is very good.. who knew?), so in the next few hours my only goals are a) find the internet cafe -- woo hoo! first goal accomplished! 2) find the english language bookstore because i'm getting desperate for our language and 3) buy a beer. Yes, i know that last one isn't too lofty of a goal, but it's soooo hot and muggy here and a beer right now sounds like nirvana. The past few days have been very eventful, so i'm not sure i'll remember everything. I flew from Beijing to Chengdu to meet my friends, Tao and Lisa. After my introduction to Sichuan food -- holy moly this stuff is hot, but soooo good -- we left for a 3 1/2 hour car trip to Chongqing. (pronounced Chong-Ching) Let me tell you something I learned... that cliche about Asian drivers in the States... now I totally understand where they're coming from. Driving here is totally different. There are no rules. Nobody stops for you no matter what. Pedestrians have no right of way and quite frankly I think they're considered targets. Oh and when i say no rules, I mean no rules. Someone told me they saw a car jump a curb one time and start driving on the sidewalk. Forget it... i will not even attempt to get behind the wheel of a car here. No way.

Jet lag is brutal. Really brutal. I've been here almost a week and my body has just now adjusted. All those tricks -- drink water, get sunshine, melantonin -- yeah, they're BS... you just have to ride it out.

I had my first Asian massage. (Get your mind out of the gutters! You've watched too many movies!!) Actually, it was a foot washing and massage. We went to this place (that stays open 24 hours a day -- I swear the Chinese don't sleep) and spent probably over 2 hours there. We had a snack, some tea, and watched TV while our very own Chinese attendant bathed our feet in hot water and then massaged them. But foot massage is really a misnomer because they also rub your legs, arms and back. It was very very nice.

Speaking of service in China... it's amazing. I haven't touched my bags since I got here or opened a door. And it's not just the service... the people here are very nice and very welcoming. i don't think i've ever felt so welcomed in a country i've visited. really.

Also, I went with Tao and Lisa to Chongqing University where I helped judge an English competition. Now... the Chinese students take this very very seriously. I was told that winning one of these competitions can mean an extra $100,000 over the course of the students professional career. It was a fun experience and also quite an ego boost. A lot of the kids came up to me after the competition and said "oooohhh, can I take a picture with you?!" Despite the fact that most of these kids watch TV and surf the internet, blonde hair and blue eyes is still a novelty in real life. :)

Back to the food... since this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I gotta say... I think I'll get tired of this... I mean it's really good, but it's like tiptoeing through a mine field everytime I sit down to dinner. I think: Hmmm... that looks good. I'll try it. So, i reach out with my chopsticks and grab it only to discover there are "undesirable" parts still attached -- eyes, skin, feet... you get the idea. And as for the rules I read before I left, I've almost broken all of them. I've eaten raw vegetables and eaten in little cafes that don't look terribly clean. I haven't drunk the water though. That one, not even a chinese person would do.

Well, that's it for now... I'm off to Shanghai on the 19th, but for now I get to wander around Chengdu and maybe go hang with some pandas. Oh... and a little tip for those of you looking to make some easy money. The value of the Chinese yuan is about to be changed. Without going into the details, this means if you convert some dollars into yuan, you'll make money when the yuan changes. Then you convert back to dollars. I know this doesn't sound clear, but trust me on this. Tao (who owns a lot of businesses) is going to put most of his american money into yuan. But do it soon, because the media said it might happen next week.

Hugs and kisses from China...
Angela

This is the first email I sent my friends from China... its date is May 8th. (I think)

Hello Everyone... Ni hao! (that means hello, but also goodbye, and I think, how are you..) Luckily, I can use it in several situations because that's the extent of my Mandarin. I landed in Hong Kong after traveling over the top of the world (very weird to watch the little plane on my little TV screen cruising over the arctic...).I can't believe it, but the 16-hour trip wasn't too awful. I managed to sleep for awhile and that took a chunk out of the flight. Plus, you can't beat the Asian airlines. Their service is sooo good. Now if only I could fly in first class and see what it's like up there.... sigh. :) I didn't really get to see much of Hong Kong, but it was pretty easy to get my way around the airport and into my hotel. Because of the British occupation, everyone speaks English and all the signs are in English also. HK seems like the Asian version of NYC with some definite exceptions. There are these huge, HUGE skyscraper apartment buildings and you can see that they are virtually crumbling apart. And every window has laundry flapping from its balcony and on the top are about a hundred TV antennas crammed together in little clusters. That's about all I got to see... I was back at the airport today at 3pm to catch my flight to Beijing. Oh... I did have lunch at the hotel restaurant and that was pretty tasty with one exception... the pork pieces still had huge, crunchy bits of gristle in them. Eeeeeekkk... I MUST examine my food more closely before diving in. I picked up a taxi at the airport and -- despite reading warnings about this!!!! -- I managed to get ripped off by the taxi driver. I think I just paid for his kids to go to college. Oh well... I've learned a lesson, right?

Hmmm... I guess that's it for right now... not much has happened yet. I'm getting used to brushing my teeth with bottled water... trying to figure out how to make myself understood (not as many people in Beijing speak English), adjusting my body clock (what the h*ll time is it anyway!?) and trying to ward off the culture shock which I can feel starting to seep in.

'til next time...
Angela

Hello blogging world... This all feels so new, so I'm not entirely sure what to write. Hmmm... okay, first, about me. I'm 32. I'm a Sagittarius (which according to my horoscope means I "like travel and making friends.") I hate kidney beans, but love edamame. My ribs on the right side are dented a little. (sort of like those cans of veggies at the supermarket that they sell for half price) A million years ago when I was in college, my favorite band was Jane's Addiction. I'm an unemployed TV producer and I'm currently living with my parents back in the little town I grew up in -- Greencastle, PA. Even better, I just took a job bartending in one of our local redneck bars. I feel a little out of place there -- I'm the only one who doesn't have a tattoo. I'm afraid of needles, but I'm thinking if I get a mullet, that might help me fit in a little better.

But I have a good excuse for living at home right now ... I was just in China for the past three months and in two months I'll be moving to the Netherlands.

That's enough for now. You and I will get to know each other a lot better, I think. Oh wait, this thing is one-sided, isn't it? Okay, I'll write, you'll read. (I hope...)

But let's begin back in China because that's where my obsession with blogging/keeping an e-journal started. I was doing my TV producing thing last spring when my work started to slow down drastically. I'd also been saving money like crazy for the past few years after I'd separated from my husband. (ah yes... another big detail... I'm divorced... ) On impulse, I emailed some Chinese friends and told them I was interested in coming to China for awhile. (I've always wanted to see Asia) They didn't hesitate -- told me to come over as soon I could and they'd help find me a job.

So, for the past three months, I've been sending my friends emails of my China adventures. I'll now post them here...