Today is DAY 34 until I leave. Not that I'm counting or anything...

Things that have gotten in my head and stuck there:

1) I asked my ex if we could see each other. He asked "what can be accomplished by that?" I replied that I'd simply like to see him before I move away. Don't want to "accomplish" anything. It's just that this may be the last time we ever see each other. I have yet to get a reply. This does not surprise me, but it does hurt. You'd think by now I'd be used to him avoiding emotional issues.

2) Keep thinking about some of the things I sent to the auction house. There's a mini bust of Nefertiti that I got at the Egyptian museum in Berlin that I really want back. I wonder if I can make that happen...?

3) I'm already feeling a little lonely that I'll be so far from my bestfriends. How will we be able to keep up with our "we get together for big events" friendship when we're so scattered? This worries me.

4) Speaking of, I wonder what will be my next "big event?" Marriage? Pregnancy? Turning 40? (eek... whatever... as long as that list doesn't go in a different order...)

5) Waitressing sucks. This is ALWAYS in my head, so I have to list it here.

About my bestfriends....

Just for the record (because unfortunately I've managed to offend some of the people I love most dearly) I would like to say that I apologize for one of my earlier blogs that held them up as an example of "traditional American life." I was making a comment on society and used them as my example. Not fair. And more than that, not accurate for how I feel about them and how I feel about the lives they're leading.

I've had A LOT of people make disparaging remarks about the decisions I've made over the past few years, and, yes, (even though I feel confident in my life and those decisions) I can get a bit sensitive at times.

However, these four women who I'm lucky enough to call my bestfriends -- Heather G, Heather R, Tam D, and Bethany A -- have always been unfailingly supportive of me.

Guys, I'm sorry I forgot that.

Aha! Yes, thank you Dawn. You are absolutely right. I guess I've been bogged down (blogged down? ha ha) with friends asking me the superficial details about Martijn that it escaped me to tell the really important things about who he is and why I'm in love with him. So here's goes... you know the body, now here's the soul:

First of all, he's an incredibly intelligent and an interesting person. I knew that we were clicking when we'd be at a club or bar in Beijing and all we wanted to do was go home and talk to each other. In fact, my couch is where we spent the majority of his vacation. I can't even think of all the things we discussed -- personal details, politics, religion -- you name it, we talked about it. Now, of course, this is a normal aspect of the beginning of a relationship, but more than that, M is a naturally curious and intellectual person. I think I will always have interesting discussions with him.

He has a fanstastic sense of humor. Okay, so at times, he'll make a stupid joke, but he says it with such confidence (despite how bad it is) that you still have to laugh. Noooo... really. He's a funny guy with a VERY dry wit.

He's adventurous, much like yours truly. He's not afraid to try anything. I appreciate this part of him very very much. It makes me feel as though life will always be new with him.

He's kind. Case in point: I told him that I'd never had a birthday party before (you know, with balloons, cake, my friends, etc etc) Now, he couldn't get my friends over to China for me, but when I arrived home from work one day, he'd decorated my apartment for what he decided was my 33rd b-day. (5 months early) I even had chocolate cake. (not the easiest thing to find in China)

He's strong-minded and self-confident. Though he's kind, he's definately not a pushover. He's not afraid to give his opinions and argue if need be. I respect this.

He's creative, but, luckily for me, also "engineerish" enough to balance out my... well... flightiness. :)

Okay, so I hope this gives you a better sense of why I'm willing to move to be with him. In addition, there's an intangible aspect to this relationship that defies explanation. Pheromones, fate, voodoo? Who knows? I can't put my finger on it, but all I can say is that I haven't felt this way about anyone since I met my ex-husband. I feel happy, in love and safe with this person.

And Two Cents: I don't feel I need to justfiy myself to you. Whoever you are. (but it's obvious from your post that you know me. I don't think I've written here anywhere that I quit my job to go to China, which by the way, is not accurate.)

But go ahead and chuckle. Yes, I'm in love with this man. Very much so. And yes, you're right. I like adventure. I'm not ashamed of that at all. But... if this was all for adventure, I wouldn't be moving to a small, quiet city in the Netherlands and signing up for the relative poverty that I'll be living in for the next year or so. (Sorry, M, I know we won't be poor... it'll just be tight.)

I realized I've never given details about the man I'm moving to be with. Okay so here goes:

Name: DELETED -- SORRY FOLKS

Age: 26 (just turned in August) No smart comments about me robbing the cradle, please. Chronologically, he's 26, but he's much older than his age.

Occupation: Getting his PhD in mechanical engineering. Now... he's told me a million times that he's not a student, but rather an employee of the university. So... there ya go. He works for a university while also getting a PhD. (I still don't completely understand the difference, but those Dutchies do it differently than us.)

Hometown: Well, he was born in Amsterdam but his parents moved to the north of Holland when he was just a little kid. Now, he lives in Enschede -- which is where I'll also be living. (obviously) It's in the east of the country on the border with Germany. But it's such a tiny country that it only takes about 2 hours to get over to Amsterdam. You know, that'll be my commute just in case I have to start working in the red light district...

Hobbies: playing guitar, working out/sports... um... M, you're gonna have to help me here. Does drinking good Dutch beer count as a hobby??

Height: about 6'2" or if you use the system that THE REST OF THE WORLD uses he's about 190cm. Crazy... I have to get used to talking in centimeters and kilos and kilometers. Oh yeah, and saying those things in Dutch. eek!

Hair and eyes (if you can't tell from the pics): brown

Um... gee... maybe I should stop with the physical details because you guys don't really need to know that much about him. :)

Anything else you want to know? (keep it clean please)

I have random moments of panic when I think "oh my god! What am I doing!? What if this doesn't work out and I have to come home jobless, moneyless and stuffless." It's amazing how these moments catch me totally unaware like a sucker punch. And they happen usually when I'm in bed and just waking up. I guess my brain is fairly unoccupied at that time and the fears I keep at bay during the rest of the day have a chance to pop into my head.

Some more pics! This is Martijn building a desk in the hopes of sprucing up his office for me. (uh... and for him too...)

Okay, so I should start calling this Daley's Occasional instead of Daley's Daily... ah well... once I'm in the Netherlands, I'll have plenty of time to write.

Just a quick update:

Most of my stuff is now sitting at Randy's Auction House in Norfolk, VA. The day wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. In fact, Randy and his 72 year old father-in-law made me laugh and kept saying "Don't be sad. You're going off to start a new life and make new memories. These things are just things. Go buy more." Simple advice, but it helped a lot.

I did see G the FC while I was cleaning out the house where he stays. (owned by my former company) At first, it was incredibly awkward, but we ended up having a good talk and a good cry. Once again, he admitted to how awful he was to me (at times) and said he knows he has to change. I've heard all of this before, and, unfortunately, I don't think he really knows what he does. So, therefore, I don't think he really knows how to change it. It's really awful, because he has a HUGE heart and a lot of love and affection to give. But he will drive every woman he gets involved with away with his terrible temper.

Okay, gotta go sift through my "life debris" and decide what gets shipped to Kikkerlandje. (that means "little frogland" and it's a nickname for the Netherlands.)

To answser those of you curious about my upcoming plans, I leave for the Netherlands on October 31st at 6:55pm from Washington Dulles. I arrive in Amsterdam at about 1pm on Nov. 1st.

Soon after I arrive I have to register for my residency permit (which costs a $1000!) and also travel back to Amsterdam to swear (in front of who, I forget) that I'm a single woman. (so M and I can legally cohabitate...)

I probably won't have enough money to come home for a visit for about a year. Sooooo... if you wanna see me, you gotta come to the Netherlands. We will have extra room, so you can stay for free!

Some random pics for your viewing pleasure... number one -- what will be my new living room in the Netherlands. Number two -- Matt, my Chinese crutch, and I on our last day of camp. Number three -- Martijn and I and our "fans" after taping English Corner. (my friend Hogan's TV show in Beijing)

I have already started to slack on this whole blogging thing... but... with good reason. My mom's computer is soooooo slow that it's torture to use it.

I just arrived in Norfolk to go through all of my earthly belongings and send most of them to auction. On the 4 1/2 hour ride here, my emotions swung wildly between joy that I'm moving into a new (and I hope very happy) phase of my life and utter sadness and regret that my ex-husband and I are no longer together. I assume these are normal emotions, but I have to say that I'm really dreading tomorrow when the auction house's moving truck drives away from me with all the things I collected with my ex -- Christmas ornaments (just can't keep these... too many memories), the couch we bought with wedding money, the glass cocktail table that my husband was so proud he found for only $35 and about a million other things that I'm inordinately and irrationally attached to.

But before all of that happens, my friend Cherise has promised me some fun out on the town tonight. I can't wait to let others serve me for a change.

But before I end this blog, I want to briefly reply to a comment I received on one of my posts:

I would never "sh*t" all over my friends' choices and their lives. Ever.

As I said in the original post, I'm very happy for them. They seem to have fulfilling and strong marriages (built on some characteristics I hope to emulate in my current relationship), beautiful kids, comfortable homes and good jobs. I did not use the word "traditional" derogatorily. I'm not making a judgment that my life is better than theirs or their lives are better than mine. We're just different. That's all. And that's the source of my hurt about my friend's comment. (which by the way, since I know her so well, I think I know in what vein it was made...) But it cannot be denied that they are living more traditional lives in comparison to my own -- marriage, mortgages, babies, etc. I mean, isn't this what's expected of us as we become adults? Isn't this the path that 95% of your friends have or are striving for? Or the opposite -- for example, you meet an attractive 35 year old woman who's never married and you think "hmmm... I wonder what's wrong with her?" Or the couple who's been married for 10 years and hasn't had kids yet "hmmm.. I bet they're having trouble..." For most people, it's still unthinkable that the woman is choosing not to marry and the couple is choosing to remain childless.

So when I said that maybe my choices made my friends uncomfortable or somehow "commented" on the lives they're living, it was just me ruminating and considering that maybe sometimes they wonder what it would be like to live my life the way I sometimes wonder about what it would be like to live theirs. And maybe even putting yourself in that place -- wishing for something you don't have and may never have -- can make you feel a bit unsettled. I know I've felt uncomfortable (for lack of a better word) over the fact that I may never have kids, that I'm no longer with the man who knew me when I was really young, that I have 10 years worth of pictures that I can't display. And maybe they wonder what it would be like to be single right now, to travel to China, to move to Europe. Who knows?

Anyway, so much for a short reply. I'll stop now without even finishing my thought because, well... I have cocktails to go consume.

Oh and HVR... don't think I don't think about you when I write these blogs. I do.

This diary entry by Maria is another reason why I feel the book Eleven Minutes chose me:

(This is after she meets a man that she has an immediate spark with, both intellectually and physically...)

I've been thinking about it a lot, and I realize that I didn't go into that cafe by chance; really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.

Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes direction.

(If you don't get why I like this passage so much, go read about how I met Martijn... )

my hometown...