And finally "The End"

Th-th-th-thaaaatttt's Aaaalllll, Folks!

But as promised, I have one last email in me before I turn in my chopsticks and hop on a plane for Meiguo (pronounced May-gwa -- Mandarin for the good 'ol US of A, and incidentally, means "beautiful land")

So, I thought, for this last email, I'd give you a glimpse at my current, inner conflict, which is this: part of me is very happy to be heading home. I miss my friends, family, and kitties. But almost equally, I feel sad. I've really come to love China.

TOP 10 REASONS WHY IT'S TIME FOR ME TO COME HOME:

1) I now eat shrimp with both their heads still attached and their shells on -- legs, tails, the whole shebang. Not only did I never know you can actually do this, but I find that I really like it. AND... I'm not grossed out at all, even when I notice a little shrimp eye staring at me seconds before I munch on it. Sure sign that I gotta leave China.

2) I have gotten very used to the sight of old Chinese women wearing see-through shirts and no bras. I have no idea why they do this (maybe Mao outlawed bras like he did grass...) but I've seen it so much, I feel strangely intimate with the senior citizen ladies in my neighborhood.

3) I have both forks and chopsticks in my apartment. I always reach for the chopsticks, regardless of what i'm eating.

4) I love trees, grass and fresh air and as you already know, they're in short supply here.

5) Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Why can't any other country figure out how to do this well?

6) I'm no longer scared when I'm in a taxi. Obviously, some key function in my brain that helps me avoid highly dangerous situations has been switched off. I now even sit up front next to the taxi driver like a real Chinese person. Why, you ask, do most people ride shotgun in a Chinese cab? Air-conditioning, plain and simple. In a lot of taxis, if you sit in the back, you roast.

7) I really miss being able to actually put used toilet paper in its proper place -- IN THE TOILET. blech...

8) I can't wait to sleep on a nice, soft American mattress. Without fail, Chinese beds are like sleeping on concrete. Some chiropractor or massage therapist is going to make a lot of money off of me when I get back. (And please notice I said a mattress... not your couch... I feel confident I can find some work and not mooch off of you...)

9) I'm looking forward to the joys of watching American HBO. Yes, I have HBO over here, but they buy THE WORST movies. Did you know Dean Cain starred in a German movie called Post Impact? It's a film about the world after a meteor hits the Earth. It's so bad it makes Showgirls look Oscar worthy. (and no... I didn't watch the whole thing... just had it on while I was packing today.)

10) And the number one reason I need to come home??? (er... or number 10? Dunno... I'm not really ordering these.) The Chinese government is making me. My visa has expired so I gotta leave the country unless I want to see what the inside of a communist jail looks like.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I'LL MISS CHINA

1) The people. I've never felt more welcomed in any country I've ever been to.

2) The food. Sigh... It's soooooooo gooooooooooood. Remember way back when, when I said I'd probably grow tired of the weird bits attached to my food? Obviously, I've gotten used to it. (see point 1 above) Now, i don't eat the really odd stuff -- like hog snouts, chicken feet, beetles, etc etc -- but the everyday Chinese food is amazing. I could just go on and on telling you about it.

3) The cheap cost of living... you don't make much money (compared to the States) but you also don't have to spend much either. I will also miss the fact that life is just, well, simpler here. I've found that I've really divorced myself from the "rat race." Yeah, it's nice to drive a luxury car. It's nice to have expensive clothes. It's nice to live in a big house. But... now that I'm completely removed from those sorts of expectations and pressures, it's much easier to see that you can have a great, fulfilling life without Miu Miu, Mercedes and massive mortgages.

4) These emails. They've been fun to write. Now my life will be boooooring again and I'll go back to having nothing interesting to say. :)

5) The excitment of being in China. It's hard to explain, but there's really a feeling of pioneerism (is that even a word?) here. This is a movin', shakin' place... people are excited about where China's business world is going and nothing is really set in stone. Despite communism, it's almost like there are no rules.

6) If you wanna know what it's like to be a celebrity, come to China. (even better, learn to speak Mandarin fluently... sigh... which I did not) When you walk down the road, people stare at you. If you go to a tourist site, random Chinese people will ask you to take pictures with them. (What DO they tell people about these pictures? For all I know, my head was Photoshop-ed onto some naked girl's body and the pic is gracing the wall of a Chinese teenage boy's bedroom... ) People will think you're beautiful, even if, well, you're not exactly Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie. On one hand, this is kinda annoying (the staring I mean). On the other, it's nice to get attention sometimes. :)

7) I'll miss my friends. They're a lot like you, only they're shorter and their eyes are slantier.

8) Foot massages. Unless, of course, one of my sweet friends out there will do this for me. Hmmmm? Hmmmm? Any takers????

9) Okay, so, back to the food. I'll miss the greenbean icecream bar that I can buy from any vendor on the street. Why are they making ice cream from vegetables? I don't know, but I gotta say, it works. Veeerrrryyy tasty. Though I'm sure it wouldn't be so nice if it was made from, say, brussel sprouts or turnips.

10) Mandarin. It's a cool language. And from what little I've learned, I've come to appreciate the complexities of this language very much. For instance, in Mandarin, a question is often posed as "do you want/think this" OR "do you want/think that?" You can't simply answer yes or no... you gotta choose one. Maybe that's why the Chinese are considered to be good negotiators... they won't let you wriggle out of an answer with something noncommittal like an "uh huh, sure."

And there you have it! I'll be back home on Wednesday and, hopefully, will get to see all of you soon.

Thanks for sharing my adventures with me... I'll now stop clogging your inbox with my inanities...

Much love,Angela