Sigh. It doesn't feel much like Christmas.

It's hard to be away from family this time of year ... to be divorced... to be away from the ex's family. Everything just sort of feels "off." This is now my third Christmas away from my ex and I'm still not adjusted. I wonder when (if?) I ever will be...?

Random thoughts:

1) Today's the shortest day of the year. I only know this because Martijn has mentioned this fact several times. Then he quickly adds "they all get longer from here on out and then it's spring and then summer!" I totally understand this feeling... the winter is very gray and very dismal here. And usually, for Americans, we get this little light-filled break at this time of year called Christmas. Yes, we have Christmas here, but the Dutch don't coat their houses with lights the way we do. It's all very somber and Calvinistic in the Netherlands. What I wouldn't give for a long healthy walk through a New Jersey neighborhood that's decorated for Christmas. I need some gaudy.

2) Martijn's ex-girlfriend called him last night at midnight. He didn't answer the phone, but he did listen to the message. She needs to talk with him. I'm not bent out of shape about this at all. I know exactly how she's feeling and I completely understand the late night impulse call.

3) I realized that I never post my doubts and worries and the difficult times I'm having. At least not now that I'm here in the Netherlands. Suffice to say that everyday is different -- some are great, some are tough. I've made a huge life change... I'm not working (which is lonely and boring and alienating) and I'm trying to adjust to a new culture, a new relationship, etc etc. It gets tough at times... especially when you already have all these ways of how you "do" a relationship -- jokes you make, habits you have, etc etc... and then you realize "oh wait, this person is totally different." He doesn't automatically like the same things as me or want to cuddle my kitties or care at all about Christmas or a million other little differences. It just takes adjustment.

4) I'm wondering how to make the platinum hair "work" for tonight's party. Black dress, red lipstick, high heels? Yeah, that's what I thought too.

5) I desperately need a dresser so that I can finally unpack all of my things. First, Dutch people don't tend to use dressers... why I have no idea. Second, after searching through several furniture stores it has become abundantly obvious that furniture here is both badly made and horribly expensive. For instance... I was in a store and spied from across the room a dresser (the dutch word is ladenkast) and thought "okay, that looks like pretty good quality... looks similar to something I'd buy in the States." I walked over to it -- still looked good close up -- and grabbed the price tag. Ummmmmmm....errrrrr. Confusion set in. I looked around to see which other pieces of furniture came with the dresser because obviously this can't be the price for just one piece. After the fog cleared, I realized that yes indeedy, the asking price for a very normal -- not gold inlaid or diamond encrusted or anything -- dresser was 1100 Euros. That's approximately $1300. I could find the same thing in the States for about half that price. (maybe less) Now if I want a rickety one that'll withstand maybe 2 years of use, then I can get away with only spending about 300 Euros.

6) I finally tried Holland's finest wacky weed. Whoa...

7) I have a purring kitty on my lap and that makes even the shortest North European winter day seem okay.

8) I start a Dutch course in January. Yesterday, I met with the woman who runs the course to see if I could "test out" of the first level and start with the second. I'm proud to say I passed and I didn't even have to dig into my cache of Dutch dirty words and vulgar expressions to show her that I'm getting the hang of the language.

9) M and I are spending a few days in Amsterdam between Christmas and New Year's. Yeeeehaw... I can't wait. And get your minds outta the gutter... just because I'm in Amsterdam doesn't mean I'm going to the red light district. (however, if you know me, you know that last sentence was a load of crap and OF COURSE I'm going to the red light district to gawk at the girls behind glass. What?! Did you really think I was going to go see some Van Gogh or Rembrandt paintings?)

10) Every now and again, I miss China. And I really miss the food. There aren't many eating adventures here. You don't ever say "Oooohh whoa... gouda... wow that's kinda weird. Not sure I want to try that." Or... "Mmmm... hmmm... yes, yes, I DO think the potatoes here taste different than at home."

Alrighty, I'm fresh outta random thoughts. (well there are millions of them rattling around in my head, but I'm not willing to share them all...)

But here's a pic for ya. It's me smoking
the aforementioned wacky weed. You can see how well it's going...

Alrighty... I know I promised a pic of me platinum blonde for Friday and I apologize for the delay. However, you're still only getting one for now because, I think I look like hell in the other pics we took. And now that I'm getting used to the hair, I actually kinda like it.

We're going to a Christmas party on Wednesday so I promise to post some more pics after that.

Today is my 33rd birthday.

I wanted to be pretty for this day and so I decided to "touch up" the dark roots in my otherwise (bleached) blonde hair.

One problem though. I couldn't find the same hair dye here as I use in the States. No matter, I thought. I'll just use some other type. It'll be okay, right?

Um. no.

It was nowhere close to being okay. Today at approximately 1pm, I had orange hair. Now... while this is the national color of the Netherlands, this is not really the way I wanted to show my solidarity with my new country.

Luckily, my American friend Jenna was here to rescue me. She sweet-talked her stylist to take me at the last minute to fix the color. Sounds good, right?

Errrrrrrrrr.....

I am now a platinum blonde. Think Madonna a la the Vogue period. Think Anna Nicole Smith. Think an albino rabbit caged in some laboratory.

Stay tuned. I will post pictures tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday.

oh. god.

Much alcohol will be consumed.

I swear-- SWEAR-- that I was just 28. Really, it was like yesterday or something.

I wonder if I should freeze my eggs?

It's ridiculous. It's shallow. It's worthless. But I can't help myself. I've recently become addicted to this celebrity gossip column.

http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Awful/

Here's Martijn proudly preparing

me a traditional Dutch meal called stamppot.





It has kale, a sort of bacon, potatoes and onions all mashed up together.






It's then served with sausage (which tastes a lot like kielbasa) and spicy mustard.

I have to say it was quite lekker. (means tasty)

(had to edit this posting... maybe now it won't crash everyone's computers)

Today is Sinterklaas's birthday (see previous post if this confuses you) when he distributes gifts to all the good little children and allows Zwarte Piet to take the bad little children to Spain. Now, no kid wants to go to Spain, but why that is I'm not sure. Martijn and I realized that it's really unspecified what exactly happens to you after you get there. I mean, maybe the kids get to live in houses made entirely of chocolate and can stay up way past their bedtimes and cool things like that. Nobody really knows.

But as I mentioned before, after (now) 5 weeks of Dutch winter, I really want to see Spain. So to make that happen, I've stolen groceries, driven the wrong way down one way streets, yelled obscenities at an old Dutch woman, worn my "I love Dubya" shirt, (surely infuriating to the Dutch) and crafted a gigantic penis made entirely of snow.

I think I'll be leaving for Spain tonight. Most definately.

Nothing interesting to write. At all. Nada. Zilch. Zippo.

Oh wait, one thing. During the big snow the other day, some local "artists" crafted a huge snow penis complete with testicles. Was quite lifelike. The paper has a pic of it and I sure wish I could show it to you. But sorry, no scanner. Maybe my nice Dutch boyfriend will scan it for you.