"Toilet paper on the table..." (again, gotta go find the pic)

Ni hao my beloved friends and family....

To immediately satisfy your curiosity about that title, let me explain: When you dine at the casual, local restaurants in China you will notice a plastic, square box on your table with a little slip of white paper sticking out. You instinctively know that this box must hold the napkins for your table, despite the weird container. You reach over, give a tug (once you've slopped food on yourself -- remember my warnings about the chopsticks?) and soon you feel like that magician who pulls the never-ending rope of scarves from his sleeve. You keep pulling and pulling and pulling, but your brain protests: Wait a second!!!! This is toilet paper!!! Why wasn't this in the bathroom where I really needed it? (see below for explanation) Why is it here on my dinner table???!!! Needless to say, I've felt rather strange wiping my face with a big wad of TP, but as there's no other option and I am messy, I've gotten used to it.

But here's the real irony of this situation: THERE'S NEVER TOILET PAPER IN THE WOMEN'S BATHROOMS. EVER. So, women here are on a constant quest for paper. Sure, some of us remember to bring TP in our purses when we leave home, but many of us who are a tad more forgetful have gotten into the habit of pilfering napkins if and when they come across our paths. Visiting the Starbucks for a nice little ice coffee on a hot day? Steal the napkins. Having a nice dinner at a more expensive restaurant? Steal the napkins. Passing through an upscale air-conditioned hotel to take a break from the heat? Steal the napkins (and the TP and anything else they've been careless enough to leave about.)

So, in case you've missed the irony here, let me just spell it out for you. In China, I wipe my face with toilet paper and I wipe... well... you know, the other parts... with napkins. Got it?

I've included pictures of this weird-China-habit (look at the lower right corner), not because I think you'll have difficulty imagining this cultural difference but so I can introduce you to my local hangout. I now have a place where "everyone knows my name." Oh wait... no they don't, but they know me enough to say "oh hey, here comes that white girl who always orders the same food because she can't read Chinese." This is a very special place. All the employees and patrons are Chinese except for me and one other American guy (my only Western neighbor that I know of), the food is good (and cheap!) and one of the guys who works there is exceptionally rare for a Chinese man. He actually speaks to Westerners. Even more than that, he actually speaks to me -- a Western woman. He is the FIRST and ONLY Chinese man to speak to me without a formal introduction. There are a couple reasons why Chinese men don't talk to me: 1) This is still a pretty conservative culture and so a lot of men just don't speak to women they don't know. 2) I'm Western and (despite my advanced age) I'm considered to be quite beautiful. (remember I'm VERY exotic here!) Therefore, I'm even scarier to talk to and 3) most Chinese men don't know English and if they do, they don't want to try to speak it and risk "losing face" by speaking it badly. But my friend (woo da poong yo -- mandarin for "my friend") at the restaurant apparently didn't get the memo because he'll blabber on to me everytime I see him. It's great. I practice my very limited Mandarin and he practices his even more limited English.

Speaking of my limited Mandarin, it's about to get a boost. Starting today, I'll be spending the next week in a little village about 40 miles northeast of Beijing. The company I've been teaching for asked me if I'd like to teach English up there and since it sounded like a little adventure, I thought, why not? I only have to teach from 9am to 11:30 everyday and the rest of the day is playtime. But as this place is just a village (I read it's mostly farmers and animal herders) playtime will mostly consist of hiking, practicing my Chinese and... um... I have no clue what else. I doubt I'll spend much time socializing over martinis and dining on fine cuisine. :) But I'm not complaining because:

I will be escaping the unbearable, torturous, hateful, pollution-filled Beijing heat. You think you're hot right now? I scoff at your discomfort. Not only is China a hot country in the summer, but couple that with the thick blanket of smog that hangs over Beijing and there are times I feel like I can't even breathe. Literally. And what I find to be amazing is people function just fine in this heat. Men do construction. Women sell flowers. Traffic guards keep me from crossing the street illegally. (while dressed in full polyester uniforms, no less. God... I feel so sorry for them.) Because of this oppressive heat, I've decided the BEST job in the world in China is working at Starbucks. Starbucks is heaven. Nirvana. Paradise. While the rest of the Chinese population is sweating their butts off in the brutal sun, the women in Starbucks are luxuriating in frigid air-conditioning (exceedingly rare for China), sipping ice coffees and nibbling on cookies. Plus, they're getting free English lessons since every Westerner within a 10 mile radius will eventually hone in on the local Starbucks in order to get a little taste of home. (And in my case, steal the napkins.)
My local Starbucks for a week was actually not my local Starbucks, but one close to where I was teaching. I lucked out when a fellow American teacher called me a few weeks ago and asked if I wanted to teach a class at China Agricultural University. Since the money was good, I jumped at the chance. This was quite an experience. The class was simply "conversational English" which means that basically I just had to get them more used to speaking and listening to English. Like most students in China, they can read and write English fairly well, but are painfully shy when it comes to speaking it. I loved teaching this class. Highlights included: Reciting Dr. Seuss (big BIG hit with the kids), watching and discussing movies, and a show and tell day. On the last day of class, a few of my students wrote me letters telling me how much they appreciated me as a teacher. I even got a few gifts. It was incredibly gratifying... why don't I get this much love as a TV producer????

Other fun things since I last wrote:

1) I had another Thai massage. While I was not touched in any "surprising" areas this time, this massage was A LOT rougher. For those of you who don't know, a Thai massage is like having someone do yoga to you. Imagine a tiny little Chinese girl grabbing your limbs and contorting your body into strange and painful positions including: bending your legs behind your head, flipping you up onto her feet into a backbend and twisting you so far that you think "that's it... no question about it... I will leave this place in a wheelchair." But despite the pain, you leave the place feeling really good.

2) There are the remains of a Ming Dynasty wall just a short walk from my apartment. Nothing funny about that... just thought you should know.

3) I visited the Great Wall!!!! Finally!!! And it was... um... really great.

4) I like to live by the adage -- Do something everyday that scares you. So... one day after teaching my eager little English students at China Agricultural University, i decided the best way to get home from the subway (the dee tee-a in Mandarin) was to take a motorcycle taxi. Why was this scary, you ask? Well... imagine a refrigerator precariously perched on the back of an old motorcycle and you have a fair picture of what this thing looks like. There's room for one person in the back -- oh alright, one white girl with a big American butt or two petite Chinese girls -- and you face away from the driver. This affords you an excellent view of the traffic wildly speeding and careening towards you in what will most certainly become your final resting place. My driver ferried me home at the breakneck pace of 25 kilometers per hour. (17 mph??) We were moving so slow that the traffic locked in Beijing traffic moved faster. Ten year olds on bikes moved faster. I think I even saw an old man with a walker whiz by. But despite how long it took to get home and the river of sweat that had soaked the front of my shirt by the end, I'm glad I had the experience. At the very least, I fulfilled my "scare quota" for the day. :)

5) My friend Hogan suckered me (and I mean suckered me) into being on his English-language TV show. Yes, I'm now a star on Beijing TV. But if I'd been given all the details, it may never have happened. Here is a typical Chinese/American exchange: Hogan "How would you like to be on my show? No big deal... just a few hours... a half day at most. Really casual." Me: "Ummm... okay... sure whatever you need Hogan." Hogan: "Okay, you gotta be there at 10am. Don't be late. " (repeated 3 times) Me: "Sure, of course, okay." (but thinking... don't be late??? This is China. Everything starts late.) So, I show up at 10am and it's not even CLOSE to being a casual deal. There's a studio audience. I have to get into makeup. I'm expected to act out skits, but have no clue what the topics will be. I arrive at 10am (yes, believe it or not, I was on time) and sit there until 3pm before anything happens!!!! And, of course, a half day (at most) turns into a 12 hour day. Oh well... I got paid. And after I stopped freaking out over the nerves of acting in front of an audience, I managed to have a really good time.

6) Weird China quirk number 3784: You pay your electricity as you go here. There's no bill at the end of the month. So, what does this mean? If you don't keep up with paying your electricity, eventually, it'll run out on you. Of course, this happened to me. I was rushing around one day, getting ready to leave for China Agricultural and suddenly, the lights went off, the hairdryer stopped, and the AC died. Hmmm... did I blow a fuse? Did the rest of the building go out? Nooooo... I just ran out of power at the worst possible moment. Don't worry, I managed to get power back before the ice cream in my freezer melted. (see note above about big american butt...)
Well, I need to get ready for my adventure in the country. You know, need to pack my cocktail dresses and high heels.

I come home on August 10th... so there are only a few more weeks left in my China experience. I will be sure to write next week, though, and fill you in on my days outside of Beijing.

Miss you,Angela