Random useful information...

(but first, a story)

One morning I woke up to the sound of M sniffing. Sniff, sniff.... sniff... (hmmm... he must be getting a cold...) sniff... sniff... (maybe if I put my hand over my ear, I won't be able to hear him...) sniff... sniff sniff... (surely, he'll stop soon... I mean the tissues are right beside him) Sniff... sniff... (oh come on sweetie, please grab a tissue....) Sniff... sniff... SNIIIIIFFFFFF... (What the hell?? When is this gonna stop... should i say something?)... sniff sniff sniff...

Martijn! Blow your nose!! AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

His reply: No, that's bad for you.

Um, huh? I mean, huh?

Turns out, his parents (both doctors) forbade he and his brother to blow their noses when they were little. They told them that a) it could hurt your hearing and b) it could drive the mucus further into their sinuses and cause an infection.

Of course, I thought this was a crock until I got a cold last week that just feels like it's been lingering... that is, until I sat in the Turkish steambath last night and stopped blowing my nose. Today, I feel great... almost back to normal. Now, mostly I attribute this to the steambath and the fact that the cold has probably run its course, but I did surf around on the web and lo and behold it appears his parents are right. You really shouldn't blow your nose. (well at least not all the time) Go to:

http://www.exn.ca/Templates/Story.cfm?ID=1999092965

Getting fat sucks.

I tried on a pair of jeans today that used to be my favorites. I hadn't worn them in 2 years because they had a hole in them that I was unsure how to patch -- didn't want to make them look like my Sears toughskins from 2nd grade. Today, I think I solved that problem with a discreet, you can barely see it, patch. I was so proud. Excitedly, I quickly removed the jeans I was currently wearing... oh joy of joys my favorite jeans are back!... I shimmied my missed lovelies up my calves... my thighs... (ahem... feeling a little snug...)... and then...

Um, is it possible that someone, somehow, got into my closet and well, maybe threw REALLY hot water on my favorite jeans and they well, you know, somehow shrunk? 'Cause I couldn't button these jeans or even attempt to pull up the zipper and well, that just seems odd, ya see. I mean, these jeans used to fit like a dream... they were even a little loose... and they hugged my butt just so.

So, if one of you could just confess that you did this... I won't be mad or anything... no no... I won't be... well... it would make me feel a lot better.

Thanks.

First, let me thank Anonymous -- my nemesis (because he won't tell me who he/she is) -- for posting his/her truly insighful tidbits. He's/She's really livened up this blog and I'm sure I have new fans checking in just for his/her interesting comments.

Next... I stood in line today at the vet behind a man who was actually wearing wooden shoes. He wasn't trying to be hip or ironic or anything like that... he was just an old Dutch guy who liked to wear shoes that were once part of a tree. I couldn't help but chuckle. Not at him, mind you, just... well... near him. (and yes, I was at the vet to get what i like to call "kitty downers" because Hobbes is still licking herself bald.)

Last... a slight continuation of my "what I miss" list:

10) (is this number I left off on?... er... no idea) Target. Tar-jay. However, you say it, I miss it. Wandering though the aisles... wondering if I really need a cobalt blue square vase...'cause geez... it's so cool and cheap... eyeing the $12.99 shoes, wondering if they'd kill my feet... ahhh.. I didn't know I had it so good.

11) Friendly people... look... i KNOW we have our fair share of assholes in the States, but there's a different style of rude here. Nobody and i repeat -- nobody -- says excuse me or pardon me or anything like that here. Say, you're in a grocery store in the Netherlands and, say, you and your cart are standing in front of the potatoes... well, the woman behind you who wants whatever it is you happen to be blocking... the potatoes or the onions right next to them, will push past you... move your cart and grab what she needs without ever uttering a word. She won't even make eye contact. Not even when she's literally used her left breast to shove you out of the way. It's... um... well... odd and really disconcerting to say the least.

12) Epidurals. Okay, I know that I'm not even close to giving birth to a baby... but let me just tell you -- many Dutch people feel it's right and natural to give birth at home and with no pain medication. I'd really like to make a smartass comment about this, but part of me is shaking and crying like a little girl right now... so let's move on...

13) The sun. Did I mention this already? Probably... anyway, it's here again... for emphasis.

14) Project Runway and Nip/Tuck. Sigh....

Okay, that's it for now... more later...

The Diet, Week 2:

Today's weekly weigh in... dah te de dah!

133

Er, what? Hang on... that's what I was last week.

Okay, okay, so I admit, I wasn't all gung-ho last week like I had been the first week. I just wasn't. BUT... I did watch it a bit. I didn't even eat a single potato! (unless you count the few french fries I stole from M's plate.) I didn't drink any beer (unless you count the ones Friday night.) And I hardly had any chocolate (unless you count what i had last night... and on Wednesday... and... uh... the chocolate chips -- thank you Cherish! -- I had on Saturday.)

Do you count those? Naw, me either.

Hmmmm... I guess this whole business of losing weight takes more concentrated effort. Mental note to self: Must NOT make my old college roommate's recipe for no-bake cookies this week. Must realize that even though they have oatmeal in them, they are NOT healthy.

Onto a completely different subject...

I need to issue a warning: Do not spend your hard-earned money on the movie Casanova. Though I do realize there are girls out there that get all quivery in the knickers for Heath Ledger, this is one of the worst movies I've ever had to sit through. (and, unfortunately, i DID have to sit through it. I didn't pay for the movie tickets and it would've been rude to get up and leave.)

Though the movie looked pretty, the script was abysmal. Take this little gem of a line, for example. "This is the last time I'm riding coach!" -- uttered by a woman riding in a coach during a chase scene in downtown Vienna. Can you get more corny?

Things I miss about the US:

1) Being a moderately tall female there. The Dutch are the tallest people in the world with men averaging 6'1" and women averaging 5'7". So, I'm slightly below average and, quite frankly, I don't know where those 5'7" women are because when I'm in a bar here (or other crowded venue) I swear my nose grazes the bellybuttons of everyone I pass. The upside of this is, even with the extra pounds, I seem delicate and petite in contrast to these Amazonian females.

2) Central heating. (I won't comment further because you know how I feel about this subject already. Besides, I think if M sees me bitching about it again, he may turn my precious, spoiled butt out onto the street.)

3) Rednecks. Oh where, oh where are my beloved boys with their mullets and pickups? I didn't know I would long for you so. You bring such flair and color to my culture. These Euro-hicks just aren't the same.

4) Poptarts. I can't explain this one. I very rarely consumed a poptart when I was in the US but for some reason I can't seem to get these little frosted delights out of my head lately. (note I said frosted. Why do they even make the plain kind? blech)

5) Dryers (soft... warm... fluffy... towels....mmmmm)

6) Dishwashers (If I had one, I would be so happy, I'd even load it according to precise rules -- forks go with forks! spoons with spoons! -- like the ones my roommate had for this activity back when we were 23)

7) My friends and family. Oooooops... hmmm... maybe they should be a bit higher in this list? Like, I don't know, above poptarts.

8) Thick carpeting with padding. The Dutch carpet their homes with that thin stuff we usually only put in office buildings. And they throw it down straight onto the concrete floor. I thought M was a smidge insane when I saw that my new home was carpeted thusly, but I've since learned it ain't him. It's his people. (for further study, reference Calvin, John. You'll understand Dutch culture a lot better... the irony here of course is that Calvinism left it's mark on day-to-day living but hardly anyone is religious anymore.)

Um, to be continued... And then I'm gonna list the things I don't miss about the US.

I'm off to a neighboring town, Hengelo, to shop for wedding dresses. (no, it's not for me. Don't go getting all excited on me...)

Well, it's already 5:30 and I haven't written a smidge on this thing. And as I'm going into town tonight to listen to some jazz and drink low-carb, not-too-terribly high in calories alcohol, I've decided to cop out for the day and post some pics. Enjoy.





Me, wintery day.









Bad kitty watches... and waits... during preparation of Christmas dinner. Note the really lovely pants and socks I'm wearing.







The dinner!

The same bad kitty begs for some food from Uncle Martijn.





Getting braver...





Ah, what the hell, it's Christmas.

Hello my pets...sorry for the days away. I have absolutely no good excuse other than we've had a few days of sunshine here (which is very rare -- huh? huh? What IS that yellow stuff coming from the sky that makes my eyes burn?) and so I've been out and about enjoying it.

So, big news. Today marks one week into The Diet and I am proud to report that I now weigh 133!! Three pounds gone, 7 more to go!

I think I should celebrate with a pan of brownies and a few beers...

Not much on my mind at the moment fit for your eyes ... but I'm writing so that cranky Australian woman doesn't call me slack again. (kidding really... I hate to insult strangers, but I find that sometimes my fingers type things before I can think them through... oh wait? you say there's a "delete" button?? That's for wussies.)

Um... went wedding gown shopping today with "the other American." (why I always refer to her this way, I have no idea. She does have a name... However, I won't share it with you because I'm not sure she wants herself posted here. Anyway, I digress.) Back to the wedding gowns... It was a very nice day -- good girl bonding time. I'm really happy I could accompany her to the shops. Many Dutch people don't marry (again, educated people... same ones that aren't too fond of the US) so I'm not sure her Dutch girlfriends would really appreciate the experience like I did. (or get all giddy when a dress fit her nicely.)

Since I don't have much to write, I'll add a photo. Here's me in a pair of REAL wooden clogs. They DO still wear these things here. Apparently, they're great to muck around in the garden.

THE DIET -- DAY 2

Day 1 was a success... even though there was still one donut in our house (singing its siren's song to me...) and even though I went to the gym where there are really tasty cappucinos.

It's 10:17am on Day 2 and I feel okay. In fact, even just one day of this diet is doing odd things to me. I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 7am even though it's still dark as night at that hour here. (hmmm... then again... maybe it was hunger that woke me up...)

*staring blankly at the screen*

I have no interesting stories to relate. How about I just give you one-liners...

While in Amsterdam's red light district, M and I went to a not-terribly-interesting peepshow.

To my great disappointment, my Dutch class that was supposed to begin today has been postponed for at least a month.

Even though previously I hated any sort of sound in the morning, I now wake up to the radio every morning.

At first, this habit made me want to smother M with a pillow, but now I kind of like it.

Dutch people don't rinse the soap off their dishes.

The more neurotic kitty of my two has licked one of her legs almost completely bald.

M and I are planning a trip to the States in July.

This will be M's first trip there.

On the highway from Amsterdam to Enschede there's a rest stop where gay men openly cruise for each other.

As a joke, my gay friend Tonio stopped at it so I could see for myself.

*loooooooonnng break inserted here*

It's now 4:53pm.

I just finished ironing M's shirts.

Earlier today, I sewed a hole in a pair of his pants.

Oh. My. God. I NEED to get my work permit.

My mother has figured out how to comment on my blog and I will not comment futher on how I feel about this. :)

Many Dutch people -- especially the highly educated ones -- have a very low opinion of the US.

Today the sun made a week, watery appearance for a few minutes.

Even this was enough to boost my mood.

I have to stop writing these meaningless and mostly uninteresting one-liners because I need to go put a chicken roast in the oven.

See above about the desperately needed work permit.

I started a diet today. I guess this would be the first offical time I've ever dieted because I really needed to and not because I was experimenting. (As in... hmmm... vegetarianism... let's give that a try just to see... hmmm... Dr. Weil... now that seems sensible. I think I'll try that. blah blah blah)

Let's see... I've been up since about 9:30am... so that means I'm exactly 5 hours and 3 minutes into my diet. Woohoo! This isn't so hard. har har har

My plan is to cut out sugar for the first three days (atkins-ish dieting, I guess) and then simply cut back on my carbs and calories. I cannot do strict Atkins for longer than 3 days without some sort of insanity setting in. There are only so many eggs one person can consume, n'est pas?

Just so you all (ya'll, yins, youse guys) are totally with me during this process I will tell you what my weight is right now and what goal I'm trying to reach. (I want to get back to what I was for the majority of my 20s) Okay, deep breath Ang... you can do this....

136. I weigh 136 at this very moment. 136 136 136. There I said it. My pants don't really fit and I'm frightened when I catch a glimpse of myself naked. (However, the ta tas are fantastic with the extra weight...)

My goal is 125. I have NO clue if my body will even let me go back there anymore, but I'm gonna give it the 'ol college try. It's either that or accept the long slow slide towards a middle aged body...

I will NOT give in to the glazed donut! Beer has no power over me! I don't even really like chocolate! Rah rah sis boom bah!

As promised, if a bit late... Me. Blonde. Very. (This is Martijn and I at his department's Christmas dinner.)

Try not to notice that in no way, shape or form do my eyebrows match my hair.

Eh... while we're at it (i can't sleep again, by the way... this vacation totally screwed up my sleep cycle) let's get a few more pics in... Here's me with my brand new toaster!! (and yes, that is feigned joy that I'm expressing... and please try not to look at my hair. I have no idea what the heck it's doing in this photo.)

Martijn and I on "second Christmas Day" (yes, an offical holiday here) at the home of our friends Fons and Tonio.

Managed to finally sleep last night. And I took a nap this afternoon. After all, what's the point of being unemployed if you can't sleep during the middle of the day, right?

Still up to the eyeballs in home improvements, but at least the TV room is now fully painted. It looks excellent, if I do say so myself. Now, we're about to frame some art photography. Well, maybe I should use quotes -- "art photography." They're faintly pornographic pictures of girls by some foot fetishist photographer named Elmer Batters. Go here to get an idea of what I'm talking about: http://www.studium.iar.unicamp.br/imagens/mariana.jpg

Tomorrow is another trip to Ikea (oh how I love the Swedish!) and then it'll virtually all be over. (at least for now)

Er, that's it... I'll tell you later about the peep show I went to in Amsterdam. (how's THAT for a teaser???)

It's Donderdag, 5 Januari at 3am... that's Thursday, January 5th for those of you out there who don't speak Dutch. (the 3am still applies however.)

I. Have. Insomnia. Don't know why... but laid down in bed... head started getting all busy on me... and boom... can't sleep.

So, here I am at the computer. Let me set up the scenario for you...

I'm wearing my warm and comfy gray robe given to me by my Aunt Sylvia. (great present, by the way...) Under that, nada. (Yeah, I sleep naked these days.)

There is an exceedingly chubby kitty on my lap. Oh wait... now she's not. Hmmmm... in addition to being chubby, said kitty also seems to be a mindreader. Sorry kitty... I mean you're a tad Rubinesque, but well-proportioned. (mental note to self: kitty has special powers. Must always think good things about her or she may sit on my chest one night and suck out my breath.)

There is an empty bottle of Grolsch beer next to my keyboard. It's brewed here so I feel like I'm supporting the local economy when I drink it and I find it to be a tasty sleep aid. In fact, excuse me... heading to the fridge...

Okay, I'm back...

Next to my computer screen there's a plant I bought at Ikea. It's Himalayan grass and you mus'nt water it too much or it dies of rot. Yes, one plant has already succumbed to its watery fate. (but it was murdered with love...)

The room is cold, but I'll try not to whine. Oh fuck it. Of course, I'll whine. It's who I am. (just ask my ex-husband) I HATE being cold. The Dutch don't have central heating... just radiators that fill with hot water if you're lucky (what they quaintly call central heating) and when you're not lucky... well, your bedroom could keep a side of steer fresh for a month and the only room that's actually livable is the little-gas-heated-furnace-in-the-corner living room. Okay, calm down, Ang. We're not going to bitch. (must not bitch... must not bitch... thou shalt not whine... love the netherlands. LOVE IT!)

I'm still exceedingly blonde, but now my roots are coming in. They're not quite trailerpark length yet, but in a week or so, they will be. I have no idea how to remedy this situation. (and yes, I do remember that I still owe a pic.)

The chubby... er... I mean... fluffy kitty is back.

It's now 3:31am.

I'm still not tired. (and more importantly, I still have beer.)

Alright enough of the scenario... now what... want to write... write about what?... um.... um... okay, I got it. I know I gotta tell you about the trip to Amsterdam... I gotta tell you about my first Christmas here... oh wait... yeah... first I will tell you about that...

In short, it was nice. Really nice. But my poor sweet practical boyfriend bought me (drumroll please) a toaster. Yes, a toaster. I mean, it's a NICE toaster... and I did want us to get one... but yeah whatever... you don't need me to explain that you don't buy your loved ones appliances for Christmas. Terribly cute and I can't wait to tell the kids about it one day. (no mom, don't get excited... I'm not pregnant)

Alright back to what's in the forefront of my brain... I gotta diet. Really.... it's bad... at times, like in mid-sentence... I'll be talking about the weather or that I want a piece of toast (see above) and an involuntary OINK will escape my mouth. The early 30s really suck. (early... am I still early? or have I advanced to MID?) I never and I repeat NEVER had to worry about my weight... and now I so much as look at a piece of chocolate and a new dimple appears on my ass. (hmmm... reality dawns on girl... girl looks at nearly empty beer bottle sitting next to keyboard... girl wonders if this may be part of the problem... ) Anyway, a diet is for next week. This week is still vacation, damnit.

I start to feel weary. (... because quite frankly you people BORE me... har har har...) It's now 3:49am. Fluffy kitty is back on lap and starting to make my legs go numb. Maybe I should attempt sleep so the rest of me can catch up with my legs?

Ja... gonna do that. Welterusten...

Oh, I have many things to relate, but it'll all have to wait for next week. My other half is on vacation still and so we're up to our eyeballs in home improvements. Currently, the TV room is only half painted purple, so we gotta finish that today. No, really, it's a NICE purple, not tacky or obnoxious or anything.

Let me just end with a shoutout to a regular reader of my blog (yes, my mother has informed me that a complete stranger actually checks in on this thing. I feel so honored!) Anyhoo...

HELLO MICHELLE IN AUSTRALIA!!!

Sorry kids to check out on you. Christmas... trip to Amsterdam... now home... finally recovered from my first Dutch new year. :)

Will get back into the swing of this thing soon.