Next Step, Mind Control

Many nights before we go to sleep, M and I play a game to help make us drowsy. Our games are always a variation on the same thing. For awhile, we'd say a letter and then go back and forth naming as many cities as we could think of that began with that letter. We've exhausted that particular category, so now we name famous people who's last names begin with the chosen letter.

I know, we ARE terribly exciting people.

But what I find interesting about this (aside from the fact that M ALWAYS seems to fall asleep when it's his turn and he can't think of an answer. Slick M... real slick) is that the game seems to stick in M's mind long after he's already fallen asleep.

The other night we were on the Es. It was M's turn. He grew quiet. I waited. I waited some more. And then I heard heavy breathing and realized that once again he'd cheated by falling asleep.

I tossed and turned, trying to fall asleep, while names like "John Edwards" and "Faith Evans" flitted through my head.

Then M rolled over and created a big gap in the covers. Cold air rushed in. (We live in Holland. We don't have heat on at night.) I tugged hard on the comforter trying to pry it from him and the movement woke him up.

He responded by partially sitting up, smacking me upside the back of the head, and saying in a sleepy voice "The Brothers Everly."

Why the smack, you ask? I don't know... must be something in his subconscious. Maybe there's something about the Everly Brothers that pisses him off.

Now, lest you think this was a one time thing, I assure you it was not.

Two nights ago, we were on the Hs. It was M's turn again. Again, he falls asleep. Again, I toss and turn. Again, I somehow wake him up.

M: Sorry baby, I can't think of anymore Hs.

Me: Martijn, the game is over. Go back to sleep.

M: Oh, okay. (pause, pause pause) Duuuuussssttttiiiiiinnnn Hooooooffffffmmmaaaaannn...

He has no recollection of this happening. So, here's what I'm thinking. I think that I can implant thoughts into his head and he won't know it.

Any suggestions what I should put in there?

Appeasing his Ego

M made a joke (at my expense, of course) and after his chuckles dried up, he insisted it was blog-worth humor.

Siiiiigh.

So, in an effort to give his voice a forum here and make him feel good, below is his silly little joke.

Me: You haven't seen much of my stupid sense of humor yet.

M: Well, I've definately seen the stupid, but I haven't seen any sense and or any humor.

Ba dum dum!

Flirting with the Amish

I'm at home in the States right now with my parents and, of course, I'm getting into touch with friends, making plans, and what have you. So, last night when the phone rang, I naturally assumed the call was for me. I quickly snatched it up and began this conversation:

Him (the caller): Hello, this is Dr. Rob-me Ass

Me (laughing out loud at the stupid name my friend has just made up): Hey!! There you are! What'chya up to??

Him: Ummmm....

Me (interupting): Hey, so I was thinking I'd come see you on Saturday. Sound good?

Him: Errrr...

Me (getting a clue): Um, who is this?

Him: This is the vet. I'm calling about your dog Abbey. Her kidneys are fine and you can begin her medicine.

Me: oh. Heh heh. This is their stupid daughter. Sorry, I thought you were my friend.

I quickly hung up and my mother howled at my mix-up. Turns out I had just propositioned a very conservative, very religious man named Dr. Rodney Hess, NOT, as I had thought, Dr. Ass.

Okay, so he isn't exactly Amish. He's Old Order River Brethern. Think Amish but a little hipper. You know, they use phones and maybe even -- gasp! -- buttons. But the rest of the picture you have in your head is right -- black hat, black suit, EVEN possibly a horse and buggy if he's really strict.

But what makes this really ridiculous is that this is the second time I've done this while I've been home. A woman called the other day and I was on the phone with her for a good two minutes shooting the breeze until something I said made her suddenly stop and say "Wait a minute. Who is this? I think I have the wrong number." Click.