Flirting with the Amish

I'm at home in the States right now with my parents and, of course, I'm getting into touch with friends, making plans, and what have you. So, last night when the phone rang, I naturally assumed the call was for me. I quickly snatched it up and began this conversation:

Him (the caller): Hello, this is Dr. Rob-me Ass

Me (laughing out loud at the stupid name my friend has just made up): Hey!! There you are! What'chya up to??

Him: Ummmm....

Me (interupting): Hey, so I was thinking I'd come see you on Saturday. Sound good?

Him: Errrr...

Me (getting a clue): Um, who is this?

Him: This is the vet. I'm calling about your dog Abbey. Her kidneys are fine and you can begin her medicine.

Me: oh. Heh heh. This is their stupid daughter. Sorry, I thought you were my friend.

I quickly hung up and my mother howled at my mix-up. Turns out I had just propositioned a very conservative, very religious man named Dr. Rodney Hess, NOT, as I had thought, Dr. Ass.

Okay, so he isn't exactly Amish. He's Old Order River Brethern. Think Amish but a little hipper. You know, they use phones and maybe even -- gasp! -- buttons. But the rest of the picture you have in your head is right -- black hat, black suit, EVEN possibly a horse and buggy if he's really strict.

But what makes this really ridiculous is that this is the second time I've done this while I've been home. A woman called the other day and I was on the phone with her for a good two minutes shooting the breeze until something I said made her suddenly stop and say "Wait a minute. Who is this? I think I have the wrong number." Click.