I'm Not That Cool

While we were in the States, I was on a mission to find the perfect pair of boots. Now, I realize this was an odd task given that our visit was in July, but my shoe-lust misguided me into thinking that maybe, just maybe, I'd find the perfect pair marked way, WAY down from last season. Not only was my shopping unseasonal but the boots had to meet some pretty high standards. They had to be:

1) The perfect biking boots. The heel could not be too high, but also not too low, because...

2) The boots must also be fashionable. I was not looking for a nice, sensible pair of winter boots a la L.L Bean. I do not want to look like I should be chopping wood on a Vermont farm right before I go tap the trees for maple syrup. But...

3) The boots also can't be suede or really delicate leather or anything to namby-pamby because it is as certain as death and taxes that at some point while biking, I will be rained on.

A pretty tall order, believe you me.

So, in downtown Chicago, my mother, aunt, M and I (all coached on my urgent need and the strict guidelines) entered a Nordstrom's and, there, laid out before me, was a HUGE shoe department. I flitted from display to display looking at the boots that, thankfully, were already out for fall. (Though, I admit, I did get a tad off course at times when, totally against my will, pairs of impractical and totally inappropriate high heels trapped me in their tractor beams and pulled me into their orbits.)

It was at one of these displays of boots when a nice salesman came up to me and asked "Can I help you?"

Me: Yes, yes... I really need to find the perfect boots for my bike. They can't be too high-heeled or suede and, preferably, I'd like black.

NSM: Hmmm... okay. (His eye searching for the perfect pair.) Well, how about these?

He takes a few steps and picks something up. His body obscures his choice.

NSM: These would be good for your bike, don't you think?

He turns to reveal a pair of badass, black leather, metal-studded, Harley-appropriate biker boots.

Me: Ummm... sir.

NSM: These are pretty cool.

Me: Uhhh...

NSM: (expectant look)

Me: My bike has a bell. I live in Holland.

(insert sound of my mother, M and my aunt laughing hysterically here.)

I never did find the perfect boot.