Autumn in NY?

Well, the Tideman/Daley household has been thrown into a tailspin. (Thanks a lot, Royd)

My bigshot NYC producer buddy has offered me a 4-month job on his new Discovery show. Aside from the distasteful fact that this pipsqueak (he's younger than me and was my co-worker at one time. Damn him and his Harvard degree! :-) would be my boss, M and I have to decide if it's worth it.

Is it worth the money (and experience, of course) for me to live separately from him for four months? I have no clue what decision we should make despite the fact that my brain has been spinning around this question for the past 72 hours.

It's not like this is the first time I've had to make this sort of decision. There were a few times, in the name of furthering my career, that I lived separately from my ex. Um, but let me repeat. MY EX. Now that I've been through the absolute misery of a divorce, I'm wracked with doubts about what's good (and what's not) for a relationship. Did leaving my ex a few times over the course of 10 years hurt our relationship? Did he (as his mother sometimes alluded to) feel abandoned? Was I "too independent" for the good of my relationship? (as someone posted, anonymously of course, on this blog awhile back)

And let me tell you... this is an area where sexism rears it's ugly head most unexpectedly. For instance, I received this indelicate comment the other day: "Well, I guess you'll just have to decide whether you love M or you love working."

Huh? These are my two options? Um, how about I love M AND I love working.

Why is it that when a man gets offered a job that will take him away from home people readily accept it? As in "Oh, well, it's not ideal but that's what he has to do to support his family." But if a woman is offered a good opportunity away from home, it's often met with one of the following:

a) What? But you just got married!? And now you're going to move away for a job!? You know, having children is an option. (I kid you not. A friend's mother-in-law just said this to her.)

b) How is he going to take care of himself? (Said to me before I left to work in DC for 10 weeks when I was married to my ex.)

c) You can't expect he's going to be faithful to you if you're away. (Said by a guy in DC during that same 10 week period.)

Sigh. I don't even have the energy to comment.

We have to make a decision this weekend, so I've decided to post my own Pro/Con list right here.

THE CONS

- living apart and the loneliness that will follow
- living with a roommate in NYC (ugh, what can i say? I'm old. I don't like doing this anymore.)
- M will be working hard on his experiments and I won't be here to support him (That's the June Cleaver part of me. I LIKE cooking for him. I LIKE cuddling him when he's had a tough day.)
- the social pressure (Yup, I'm putting it here because it's a very real part of this, even though I'm not going to let it influence the final decision.)
- the possible, and completely impossible to determine, negative impact on our relationship
- delaying a possible move to Amsterdam in the spring/summer

THE PROS

- mad cash (enough to save a healthy chunk of change despite NYC rents. This is very pertinent given that we have several big life events coming up in the next year.)
- living in a city that I've been trying to get to for a decade (in addition, just getting to be back in my own culture for awhile with my own language.)
- working on a cool show and fleshing out my resume a bit
- missing some of the Dutch winter :)
- um... like... it'll be fun
- M gets to visit me in NYC

And, no, I didn't purposely put 6 items under each heading. I really am plum outta both and they just happen to be even.