Brain chemistry is a funny thing. Especially when you tinker with it.

So, to answer my friends Bethany and Dawn who are worried about me "going off my meds" (I love that phrase) without the supervision of my doctor, I have this to say: Uh yeah, you're right. I'm not supposed to be doing that.

However, also consider this: The doctor who prescribed them barely asked me any questions about my depression. Approximately 12.5 seconds into our meeting he said "Right, I'm going to give you a pill that will make you feel like everything is moving faster."

Moving faster like I'm in a car? Or on a merry-go-round? OR do you mean you're going to give me speed or maybe even cocaine? That will make everything feel faster.

Long story short, let's just say that while everyone in this country has health insurance, I do feel you get a tad shortchanged when you see the doctor. Case in point -- a normal appointment only lasts 10 minutes.

So... yes, I'm going off slowly. I'm carving up my pills and reducing the dosage just a little at a time.

But back to the brain chemistry thing. Whoa... have my dreams gotten weird. First, when I went on the pills, I had a VERY scary dream in which I got out of bed, walked to the kitchen, picked up a big knife, felt very attached to my big knife and then promptly went back to bed and stabbed Martijn in the chest with it.

Uhhhhh... all I can say is that I'm glad his mother doesn't read this blog.

And yes, I'm crazy, but i'm not that kind of crazy. (at least not yet)

Let's see... and this week, in my dreams, I've been in a terrible car accident in which M and I fishtail out of control and are launched into the air. We then crash into a body of water. I panic when I can't figure out how to save us both.

Then, two nights ago, I was shot several times -- by who, I don't know -- and no one would help me get to a hospital.

Last night was, thankfully, peaceful. No stabbings, no wrecks, no bleeding from bullet wounds.

And last but not least... if I do start to slip again, I have a emergency supply of pills, just in case. I can always go back on.