As usual, I've been ruminating about how much of my life I'll allow to spill onto these digital pages. Sometimes, I think "keep it light and fun." Other times I think, "ehh... this is your space, write what you feel, when you feel it."

So, today, I'm going to write about the fact that I'm a bit depressed. Okay, maybe not a bit... let's say a lot. Don't worry... I'm not thinking of stepping in front of a speeding train or anything like that, but somehow I slipped into a place where my life feels exceedingly bleak.

I guess this has been coming on for awhile... the divorce (which meant not only losing a husband but also my bestfriend), getting entangled in a tumultous and faintly abusive relationship... then relocating here and the resultant loneliness and isolation... well, it's all just become a bit too much.

I am getting help. I started antidepressants a few days ago and though the side effects are unpleasant (what?! I can't drink red wine??!!), the drugs have already calmed me down. It's really odd actually. I've always been an emotional person -- case in point, my bestfriends have been known to call me Emo -- but now I'm completely balanced out. It's like taking a vacation from my emotions. Now, I don't find this exactly a pleasant idea either -- i mean, my emotions are part of who I am -- but at the moment, it's a welcome respite.

I would like to emphasize that none of this has to do with M. In fact, he's the only solid thing I'm really holding onto right now. I know it's hard living with someone who's so glum all the time and I'm doing my best to take it easy on him. I feel lucky that I'm with someone who can cope with this side of my personality.

I will try to keep this blog updated as best I can. I find that writing -- now more than ever -- is a cathartic process for me and it really helps if I can release some of the thoughts that rattle around my brain all day long.