Since the bombshell of yesterday, it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I don't think I can get into the details of everything that I'm thinking and feeling about my ex-husband remarrying other than to say 2 things:

1) This is yet another event that has given me a hard shove into mourning the death of that relationship. I know most people in my life think that "what's done is done" and "that's all in the past" and "hey, weren't you the one that wanted the separation?" and all those things I should realize and/or be thinking right now. But well... I can't help how I feel. I just can't. It's not me. I am and always will be a highly emotional person and, well, I guess it takes me a long time to get over things -- or better said, maybe I never get over things like this. I mean, hell, I sometimes even think about my poor sweet kitty Puddy who got run over when I was in 3rd grade. I have love notes from elementary school. I cried when I sold my old Volvo because I knew it was gonna be crushed into scrap metal. (and those, in the grand scheme of life, are pretty trivial things... my marriage and eventual divorce certainly are not.) Sometimes, my emotions seem silly even to me, but I guess as I get older I'm learning to accept the fact of who I am. My grandchildren will probably find those old love notes from elementary school because I'm never going to be "mature" enough to do away with the things of the past -- certainly not the things that touched my heart.

2) I am very very lucky. Not only do I have excellent girlfriends who let me whine and whimper on about things they've heard about a millions times before, but I also have managed to find someone who is emotionally mature enough (and affectionate and supportive) to understand that all this isn't a reflection of how I feel about him. No "but you have me," no avoiding me because I'm sad, no anger whatsoever that this man from my past is currently very much in my present. He's just there, telling me to feel bad if I want to and encouraging me to look towards my future... our future.

Okay, that's it... now to change the beat. (because I'm scatterbrained and by god that's how I... hey look over there! A pretty bird!! ha ha... okay if you didn't get that, I'm not gonna explain it to you)

Anyway, here's a picture I told you about ages ago when we had the first snowfall here. M just took a photo of it for me. Behold, the Snow Penis of Enschede:













My favorite part is the ladies giggling. Cracks me up.