Tuesday, June 27, 2006

5 Weeks of Vaycay... at least

Since I've moved here, I've had numerous conversations about the absolutely insane lack of vacation time in the States versus Europe. I've fielded questions like:

But how do you guys ever relax?

How do you stay connected to family?

Don't you burn out on your jobs?

And then I saw this article:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060626/od_nm/life_friends_dc

Note the "working more" aspect of this article...

Monday, June 26, 2006

A Loving Exchange

Me: I guess when you get a divorce, you just need to go out and find a new spouse.

M: Sure, it's just like a car. When it breaks down, you go out and get a new one.

Me: In my case, I opted for a newer, younger model.

M: Yeah, and I'm getting secondhand.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Horrifying Truth

This morning M finally confessed and now I know the truth:

This IS summer here.

I realize I spend a lot of time talking about food, the weather and nudity on this blog, but these seem to be re-occurring themes of my new life and, really -- what's more important than having nice food while naked in excellent weather?

Not much, I say.

So, despite the long arduous months of patiently awaiting the promised beauty of a Dutch summer, what I'm really getting is this:

Virtually constant canopy of gray/black clouds? Check!

Scarves and light jackets lest the freezing summer temperatures turn your nipples to stone? Check!

Got your umbrella for sudden downpours that may or may not contain hail? Check Check!

Surly attitude because you can't wear your pretty sandals (unless you like blue toes) and your boyfriend's been lying to you for months about the upcoming lekker warm weather? Check and check and check!

Try to ignore that previous blog entry within which I detailed all the nice things about Holland at this time of year and the fact that the weather was oven-hot. Apparently, that was a freak of nature.

Though I do still love the little lambies.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

There is a God...


When a supermodel gives birth to this:





The joyous birth of Seal and Heidi Klum's child happened many months ago (in fact, she's preggers again) but I had never seen this photo before today.

Whoa.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Becoming My Mother

This past weekend, M and I were out for a country drive along the border between Holland and Germany when he pulled into a rest area. In front of me was a picnic table and a huge, open, but securely-built steel tower. M wanted to show be the beauty of Twente from the top, so I changed my shoes and we started climbing.

M was ahead of me as I huffed my way up the stairs. I felt safe, knew I was safe even, but moments from the top, M swung the gate open on the viewing platfrom and the tower shook ever so slightly. I froze. My heart started beating wildly and I felt an overwhelming sense of panic and fear.

"Uhhhhh, uuhhhh Martijn.... uuuhhh... I can't do this!" And I plopped my butt down on the closest step, while maintaining a death grip on the handrails. He hurried back down to me, "shhhh... shhhh... it's okay. I've got you... okay let's go, let's climb back down..."

I have never EVER been afraid of heights before. My mother is afraid of heights, not me. I like being up that high, even if it is a little bit scary. I like being able to survey a large swath of land from the top of a mountain or an airplane or, so I thought, a large steel tower.

When we got to the bottom of the tower, I was still a little scared, but more just annoyed with myself that somehow, someway, I'd developed this fear. M said that a few years ago, he did too -- and in exactly the same way. One second he was doing an activity he'd always done (say climbing a tower), the next second he was full of panicky fear. Just hit him outta nowhere. With practice, he finally overcame the phobia, but he had to make a conscious effort to do it.

Guess I'm going to start finding towers to climb. (and diapers to wear, just in case)

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Added New Stuff

Note the sidebar... I've finally figured out how to add links -- to blogs of friends and strangers (who I'm addicted to...) and also to my photos!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Beauty in Holland

Visual snippets that make me happy... (um, sans the actual visual... I gotta find a better way to post photos here)

A man in a suit, riding his bike, clutching a dozen red roses.

The stark contrast between a gray, Dutch summer day and bright pink peonies.

A lush, kelly-green field dotted with lambs.

M's smile when I arrive home from Amsterdam on a Friday evening.

White-blond Dutch babies with huge blue eyes. Sigh... so cute that I want to nibble their toes.

Even better, those same babies riding in the seat perched on the front of their mommy's bikes -- like baby hood ornaments.

Nile geese in Vondelpark with their goslings. According to M, these birds weren't in Holland 20 years ago. In that time, they've migrated here from the Mediterranean/Africa. They do look exotic -- more like birds from a land of olives and hummus rather than a land of bread and potatoes. Take a look:
http://home.planet.nl/~wierd044/dier/vogels/watervogels/watervogels.htm

The tall, lithe, half-asian guy in my yoga class. hubba hubba

The rooftop kitties who've been visiting my attic room. (I'm 4 floors up!) So far there are 4 different kittens of various ages who have crawled into my open window to check me out. They now know that a) this woman will love us and gives a good scratching and b) she's got the goods -- meat for all! This morning I woke up at 5:15 am to the plaintive cry of an orange kitty sitting outside my room.

The green curry beef and pad thai at Bird on the Zeedijk.

The duskish light at 10:30 pm. Sure the summers are a bit chilly here, but you can't beat the long days.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Amsterdam is een feest. (say: Ahm-ster-dahm is uhn faist.) Amsterdam is a party!

Take one part sun, two parts Dutch people, add a dash of alcohol and a large dollop of World Cup soccer and bake for 48 hours and you get... um... hot, sweaty, drunk Hollanders. :)


In other words, this place is nuts right now.

Remember when I said the weather was a dismal and soul crushing nine (48) degrees IN JUNE? Um, scratch that, because the weather gods have decided to go all the way in the other direction and cook the humans in this part of the world.

(Actually, I have to confess... I'm finishing this blog entry a day late, so today we're pretty much back to normal summer Dutch weather.... sigh)

BUUUUUT.... the beginning of this week was amazing at a blazing 32 degrees. (approx. 90 F)

And I've said it before... I'll say it again... Holland is virtually unrecognizable now that the weather has turned. Add to that that Amsterdam is a culturally much different than my reserved little town of Enschede, and the place feels like a party. Literally.

M and I spent the weekend watching soccer... er... voetbol... er... football... and hanging out in Vondelpark and, I swear, you can feel how happy everyone is here. It comes off of them in waves. I think I can even taste happy in the air.

Dutch girls have taken to wearing tiny (and when I say "tiny" I mean "virtually nonexistent") skirts as they peddle around on their bikes. (No you can't see anything... but you should see the guys straining their necks in a desperate attempt to try anyway...) People are singing -- loudly and often off-key -- as they head to work in the morning. And the outdoor cafes and parks are filled to bursting with people drinking and chatting after work.

They even have a nice little tradition here that when it's "tropical weather" you can leave work 2 hours early so you can enjoy the sun. (you gotta come in early, though, to take advantage of this. Oh yeah, and when it's cold enough to ice skate in the winter, you get to do the same... )

I gotta say... it's a really pleasant place to be at the moment. I think I could stay.

(mental note to self: must forget about the winter... must forget about the winter... )

Friday, June 09, 2006

Because I'm all about keeping this website G-rated, I've decided to end today (it's over over here in Holland... currently the land of insane World Cup soccer fans) with a load of jokes that will make my mother laugh out loud but will also make her feel embarrassed that her daughter posted them.

Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?A. Ask your mother.

Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?A. Wiped his ass.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Q. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling

Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?A. You know she'll swallow.

Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.

Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.'

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?A. Same thing as a "quickie,"only you do it yourself.

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q. What do you call a smart blonde?A. A golden retriever.

Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?A. The one with the dirty knees.

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade:Who has the biggest tits?A. The blonde, because she's 18.

Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sexA. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Back from London and my liver couldn't be happier!

Noooo... actually, despite the open bar and exceeding drunkeness of my co-workers, I mananged to be moderate (thus keeping in line with my goals of a) reducing the size of my ass and b) making sure the depression doesn't return). However, having the champagne tastes that I do, I did manage to sweet talk a glass of champagne (obviously) out of the bartender. (a nice one too... amazing what a flash of the tits will get you.)

kidding

Or am I?

Anyhoo.... the welcome dinner was really excellent and I got to hobnob with the higher ups at Extreme HQ. And good news... looks like I probably have a job when I get back from the States. Seems that they'd like me to take over the promo producer job once Mike (the nice British chap that's doing the work now) returns to London. Of course, I had my own agenda which I shared with them -- let me do acquisitons for you. Hmmm... we'll see. But either way, I do believe I'll be gainfully employed come the fall.

The next day was, er, boring so I won't bore you with it.

Honestly, I'm mostly writing because I have to issue a plea:

Anonymous, wherefore art thou? I've had several people enquire after your absence and though not everyone is a fan of yours (sorry, but it's true), others miss your commentary. Are you out there commenting on other blogs? I mean, are you cheating on me???

sniff sniff

Monday, June 05, 2006

Hello all... I'll be away for a few days in London, starting tomorrow. Though I'm but a lowly freelancer with an even lowlier title, I've been asked to join in on Extreme Sports Channel's annual "Gathering of the Tribes." I think it's a sort of team-building event where all the diverse branches of the channel get together to imbibe free alcohol and put faces with voices. But really, it's mostly about the free booze.

However, major events of the past few days have been:

1) Last Sunday (and again yesterday), I spoke with a very near and dear friend who I haven't spoken to in over 3 years. She knew nothing of my divorce or depression or move to the Netherlands and it was incredibly pleasurable and surreal to finally tell these huge, life-altering things to a woman who, previously, used to know every tiny detail about my life. I am thrilled beyond words to have her back in my life. And, even better... yesterday, she told me she got engaged the day after our first talk. Soooooo... now I get to be a maid of honor. (er, ex-matron of honor, divorced woman of honor...)

2) I am now officially off the anti-depressants. Wait... wait... this momentous event needs caps: I AM NOW OFFICALLY OFF THE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS! I can feel actual joy again... a sensation that I haven't felt in a very long time. And, of course, the evil twin sister of joy is despair... I mean it's two sides of the same coin (at least for me, it is)... but I have now dedicated myself to an au natural means of keeping the crazies at bay -- some herbs and vitamins, lots of exercise, and little drinking.

3) We ran out of catfood. M bought more. However, our regular brand was sold out, so M opted for Friskies. Last night, I watched him eat approximately 10 pieces of the new catfood and with utter seriousness he looked at me and said "You know, I prefer this kind. It tastes better."

4) I am now officially an Amsterdamer (Or I've been "dammed") I moved into my new digs on Thursday night and mere moments after signing the contract, I was headed to the Chocolate Bar (trendy bar close to me) to meet two co-workers for a drink. My neighborhood is great. I live very close to a great bar/restaurant area... have not one, but two asian groceries close by... Sarphati park is right across the street... and the famous Albert Cuyp market (http://www.amsterdam.info/shopping/albert_cuypmarkt/) is just a few streets away. Actually, if you go to this link and click map, you can see a map of my neighborhood. Off to the left bottom corner, you'll see a street called Sint Willibrordstraat (it's cut off a bit). I live at number 25 on that street.

5) The weather is STILL awful here. A few months ago, M kept promising me: "I promise in a month it will be beautiful here. I promise when we get back from Turkey, it'll be beautiful here. Hey, I hear this weekend is supposed to be beautiful." Now, when he starts to say something like this, I just give him the evil eye and say "You can only call wolf so many times..." Case in point, every morning during my bike ride to the train station, I pass a bank sign that flashes the time and temperature. On Tuesday, the sign said 9 degrees. (That's 48 to us Americans) I think I felt a sob catch in my throat when I saw that. My guess is that the first time I'll experience anything approximating summer is when I step off the plane at BWI on July 10th.

Be back on this batchannel on Thursday...